cause the hardest part is a person and a heart...

I could come up with a list of complaints right now. it wouldn't be hard. but thats not what i want to do. I was cranky, ornery, irritable, grouchy etc. whatever your word of choice is, it was it. So what did i do? I turned on music. Music is great medicine. It was this music that reminded me i never blogged about something, or rather someone.

His name is Jon Troast. Jon with no h and toast with a r. And he is my new favorite music crush. He opened for a concert i went to a few weeks ago and i became an instant fan. According to his myspace page he is listed as folk rock/pop/acoustic. I'm not sure what i would call it, i've never been one knowledgable in music genres. All i know is i like his style, his lyrics, and his voice.

Check out his page:

www.jontroast.com

His song "Family" is on my playlist. Unfortunately thats the only one they have. I also like a number of the songs on his website. Unfortunately many of the songs from his concert are not on there. Maybe i'll track down his CD someday.


Thats me. Top right. you can see me, right? haha. okay.. fine. but i promise i was there.



(the pic is from his blog on his profile. he is on a "living room tour" and takes pictures will all of his audiences. needless to say, this show had quite the large living room. in his blog he also wrote about his visit to Portland. he captures Portland quite well, check it out.)

A smile on my face

I love this feeling. I hope it lasts.

I don't really have much to say, but I just wanted to post and share my happiness with you all!


p.s. exactly one week til my b-day!

(the pic is of the balloon and flowers i got tausha for her b-day, i just loved them so much i wanted a picture on my blog of them!)

this world is one strange place

I came home from work today at like 7. My roommate was on my computer and I didn't have any homework to do (since tomorrow is a holiday!). So what do I do? I sit in front of the TV of course. Its been a while since I've watched anything on the TV so i flipped through the channels not knowing what to expect. I ended up on Lifetime where a movie had just started. Intrigued, and for lack of anything better to do, I started watching it. Come to find out the movie was called "Glass House: the good mother." It was kinda dark and definitely intense at points but what interested me more what the story line. Its a story of a mother who has Munchausen Syndrome by proxy. Basically its a disorder where the mother intentionally makes her child ill in order to be able to care for the child. Its sad and disturbing to think about all of the different things that go on in the world. Stories of abuse just make me so frustrated with people. On a related note, the mother and father were foster parents and had "gone through" multiple little boys. Its scary to think that a social worker looked over the real problem (fictionally speaking, of course). As a future social worker myself that is a scary thought. I know that i can't be perfect in my job, but i really hope that i am competent enough to avoid situations where more harm is done because of a decision i make. Thinking about things like this make me SOOOO excited for life after this world. I just can't wait! I know that things will work out for all of God's children (which is a really comforting thought) and that heaven will be a much happier place.

Please please everyone be careful and be nice to people. You'd be surprised how many people in the world need friends.

TWO WHOLE WEEKS!

I just took a look at my blog and realized it has been two whole weeks, 14 days, since my last post. That makes me sad. I'm sure i've had profound thoughts and words of wisdom and pointless stories over the past two weeks that never made it on my blog. As my reader, i'm sure you're upset to. right?! good :) I guess i've just been super busy. I really don't know where the month of July has gone. But busy is good. I've been having my fair share of fun, so don't you worry.

Hopefully i'll schedule some good quality blogging time into my schedule this week. Until then, i'll leave you with a few things i'm excited for:

July 24th: yay for Utah and their insistence on celebrating this holiday. I'm just happy cause classes are canceled that day! And although the library is open, i managed to successfully avoid signing up for a shift.

July 25th: bonfire with mi amigos! Jess is coming back in town for the weekend and its time to party.

July 30th: MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

party on!

Shoo fly pie

I wish this post was about pie. yum. In fact it could be, i just got off the phone with my mom and she is going to send me a recipe for key lime pie. but i digress. This post is about our beloved friends.... the house fly. The line in the title is a lyric from some old swing song that somehow is in my repertoire of pointless music knowledge.

Here is a lovely picture is case you forgot what a disturbingly disgusting animal it is. Just in case that wasn't enough here is a little background on flies:

"Houseflies can take in only liquid foods. They spit out saliva on solid foods to pre-digest it, and then suck it back in. They also vomit partially digested matter and eat it again."

lovely, huh?

So why the sudden interest with flies? you ask. Well, because they are the bane of my existence. (yes i know, i'm exaggerating)

here is the story:

imagine yourself, lying in bed on a peaceful Sunday morning. Thinking about how you need to get up and finish preparing your talk for church, but not willing to succumb to your alarm clock quite yet. When suddenly you hear a noise. bsssssssss. It makes you flinch. Your hand naturally tries to swat and your eyes jerk open. Just in time to see a fly circling your room. Frustrated, you close your eyes again, intent on salvaging the last few minutes of rest in your bed. not more than 10 seconds later you have deja vou as the fly decides to interrupt your rest... yet again. This time more frustrated you open your eyes and hope that you can swat it down without getting out of bed. multiple attempts later the fly is still flying around your room. You try pulling your sheet over your head, but the soft cotton threads don't function as much of a sound barrier. You wonder how the fly knows exactly where to fly to cause you the most disturbance. Almost ten minutes later you finally get out of bed. you see the fly and glare at it as your make your way out of the room. what better way to start a day than with malicious thoughts towards a fly.

okay, that may not be the most dramatic story or experience ever but i was SOO frustrated. seriously, the fly was driving me crazy. And to make it worse, i re-lived the experience this afternoon during my much-needed sunday nap. Fortunately (for my sanity) I successfully swatted the fly down and found much joy in the experience.

I heard a girl at church talking about how they were having a "fly problem" in their apartment. She happens to live right above me and i'm very curious just exactly why they have this "fly problem" and why it seems to have become my problem as well.

I've decided one of my least favorite sounds is the sound of a fly. I don't think i would mind them so much if it wasn't for their obnoxious noise! oh, and the feeling when one lands on you. gross. And, they are so evasive! seriously, my simple swatting was not going to work to bring down this fly. I did a little research about flies and this is what i found. maybe it will come in handy next time a fly tries to torment me. And hopefully you can use it too :)

"Flies have a very highly-evolved evasion reaction which helps to ensure their survival. It is possible to confuse a fly's evasion system by swatting it with two objects simultaneously from different directions. The holes in a fly swatter minimise the air current which warns the fly of being hit, whilst reducing air resistance and increasing speed of the swat. This evasion reaction can also be used against the fly. Clapping your hands several inches above the fly will cause it to try to escape, usually into your just closing hands. A successful method of removing flies from living spaces is to use a vacuum cleaner equipped with a long (1m/3 feet)straight tube at the end of a flexible hose. Airborne flies can be chased with the tube and will eventually be sucked into it. Standing flies can be approached slowly with the tube (1cm/half-an-inch per second) and often they will not fly away and will be sucked into it."

the next best thing to a personal editor

with all the posting i've done recently i'm sure i've made many many grammatical and spelling errors. You'll have to forgive me. Elise was kind enough to point out one of them and in talking to her, she admitted that her husband finds and corrects most of her mistakes. And thus we decided....i need to get married. any takers?

a kiss that meant something

Some time ago I made a list of blogs I wanted to write. (dedicated readers should remember this list) Go figure, I never got around to writing any of them! But i was sitting at church today and was reminded of the experience that was tied to the title "a kiss that meant something" and i really wanted to write about it and share it before i forgot it.

About a month ago my adventures took me up north. well, north salt lake at least. I was at Layton Mall and decided to take the opportunity to visit my grandpa who lives in Ogden. You may remember the post about when i went up there last semester. Unfortunately life gets busy and i had not been up since. Jumping at the opportunity i stopped in to see my grandpa, who is currently in a rehab/hospice type place. He fell and hurt his legs and has since become stuck in his wheel chair. He has a form of Alzheimer's and it is worsening almost daily.

I walked in and instantly saw him sitting in his wheel chair playing with something or other on the wall. I walked up and put my hand on his shoulder "grandpa? Elmo? How are you?" He looks at me and i can tell he doesn't recognize me, but i ask him anyway. "do you know who i am?" his answer is a simple no. I start explaining that i'm his grand daughter, his son's daughter and i'm here to visit him. It still makes me tear up to remember how his eyes lit up. "you came to see me!?" he said in a tone that made my heart ache for him. He grabbed my hand and i reassured him that i was there to see him. Then he motioned me towards him and he gave me the sweetest kiss ever. a little background: my family has never been one of those families that is always kissing each other, it kinda weirds me out, but getting one from my grandpa was one of the most precious things ever. At that point i started crying and i don't think i stopped for the rest of the visit.

The visit itself wasn't that extraordinary. His memory isn't the best so i showed him the pictures we have in his room. reminding him who everyone was and mostly just kept him company. At one point he told me that he wished his wife (my grandma) could be there to see me. She still lives in their house in Ogden and so i told him i would go visit her as well. He kept saying it over and over again. I think really he just missed her. The sad thing is she goes to visit him everyday, but by the end of the day he can't remember that she did. Its really hard on both of them, i'm sure.

When it came time to leave he asked if i knew where i was going. i did. but he tried to insist on letting him come with me; he'd show me where my grandma lived. I could barely muster the words to tell him no. I'm not strong enough to get him in and out of my car from his wheel chair and he had to eat dinner. He wanted so badly to leave the care facility (as anyone would, i'm sure) and told me a few times that he wished he could work or do anything. In fact, at one point when i asked if he was having a good day he said "no, all i do is sit here." It really made me sad. but on top of that, it made me appreciate life and what i have and the healthy body that i have to do things with. I really am scared of getting old, it doesn't look like much fun.

My goal is to go visit him more often. I realize that he won't remember me, and that once i leave he'll forget i was ever there. but seeing how happy it made him for a moment was more than worth it. Maybe next time i'll drag someone along who could help him get in and out of my car and we can take him out and about for a day. I think that would be nice.

24 and counting

As of my latest addition to my bloglist i have 24 friends (real people) who have blogs that i am subscribed to! I love it! It makes for good reading. I have a few additional things on my reader but 24 actual people... wow.. i was surprised. Its too bad only like 5 people read my blog. I guess I can be cool by association.

Actually realizing how many blogs I read made me start to wonder who reads my blog. I know of a handful of people who have subscribed. (9 in fact, google reader told me so) The ones who leave comments mostly. Then there are some other friends who i know will check it periodically. But what about the random people I wouldn't think of, or even complete strangers, who read it. Thats kind of creepy. I don't think i put anything on here that would be jeopardizing but it still makes me double think everything before I write it. I try to avoid talking about people, especially my relationships with people, as that could get out of control really fast. Can you imagine if I blogged about the latest date i went on? And then the guy happens upon my blog via facebook and then reads everything? that would be no good...

The truth is that I write in my blog almost purely selfishly. Mostly because I like to write and get things out. In a way it is like a journal. I should probably write more in my real journal and leave this blog for things that are actually interesting to other people, but oh well. The second selfish reason is because i like the attention. I love getting comments! This reason accounts for a lot less of why i write than the first one, but it is definitely an added perk. The third reason i write is to waste time. Like today for example... i'm stuck at work from 8 am til noon. The library is almost completely empty and i'm so bored. Not to mention tired. Plus, while i'm describing how i feel, i'll add in that i'm freezing! The temperature is on the cold side, plus i just sit here. Goosebumps usually fill my arms fast and although typing makes my fingers cold, at least it keeps my mind off of the fact that i'm slowly freezing to death.....

cognitive gymnastics

Sometimes I think my brain would win a gold medal in the Olympics if cognitive gymnastics were a sport.

I'm in a social psychology class where we are learning all about why people act the way they do. It's made me really analyze what i do. I'm just taking it for fun, and its turning out to be as interesting as i had hoped. Plus, i actually do all the reading before class! Can you even believe it? I NEVER read the text book. The funny thing is that i'm proud of myself for this fact, but the reality is that i have to read because we have to turn in a paper every class period based on the chapter reading. oh well, i can still feel good about myself!

on a slightly related note, i had a dream the other night that wasn't anything extra-ordinary but it made me think about my dreams and how unrealistic they usually are.

In my dream my friends and I were walking back towards my car. We were almost there when I realized that someone else was in my car, driving it away. They were stealing my car! Now here is where the cognitive jump comes in. Suddenly we were chasing the bad guys by foot and my first instinct was to get their license plate number. Now logically thinking, they would be driving my car (since they just stole it) and writing down my OWN license plate number wouldn't really help. But i guess i don't dream logically because suddenly they were in a different car, although we were still chasing them for stealing my car. Makes sense, right? I believe somewhere in their they shot at us and they eventually got away. I'm not sure whatever happened to my car in the dream. It just morphed I guess.

Although i rarely remember my dreams, i think they are more often than not cognitively incoherent like that. Interesting... very very interesting.

As a concluding note, I think one of my greatest fears is having a psychotic break one day. That would be so sad.

Ode to my brother/ 4th of July Festivities

I tried to look up the definition of an ode, and how to write one (high school english was far too long ago to remember) and this is the definition i found: "An ode is...blah blah blah... too hard to write at 8:30 in the morning... blah blah blah."

Taking their advice, this will be a pseudo-ode to my brother / story of my 4th of July festivities

Yesterday, the 4th of July, wasn't promising to be the most exciting 4th I've ever celebrated. All my roommates were either at work or otherwise occupied and I was having some difficulties finding something to do (and someone to do it with). Then, at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon my roommate tausha walked in the door. Long story short she was home from work early (7 hours early in fact). Not long after that I received a phone call from Tyler (my brother) and he was like "hey, so we decided to go to the carnival today and go bowling and have a BBQ and watch fireworks, wanna join us?" Of course tausha and I jumped at the prospect of something to do and agreed to join my brother for the bbq and fireworks. THANKS TYLER!

Now let me explain this bbq. It wasn't just any BBQ... it was delicious! Tyler and his friends Christian and Ky (sp?) got a BUNCH of meat for what they informed me would be a mexican bbq. We had Jarritos and Mango juice for drinks and then... fajita meat (my favorite), some sort of rib action and some chicken wings. All bbq-ed to perfection on our grill. YUM! He also made an excellent home-made salsa to top it all off.

After that we headed to Temple Hill to get ready for watching the firework show that was part of Stadium of Fire. We played some catch, walked around, and waited for time to pass. Now, a little background may be in order here. Growing up my family was never too huge on the 4th of July celebrations. We went to a rodeo once, but generally we just hung out our home and then meandered over to Oak Hills neighborhood for their firework display. Thinking that our normal activities were..well..."normal", I didn't have any thought that the fireworks last night would be anything less that what i was used to. Oh boy, was i wrong. It was really different! Oak Hills happens to put on an amazing show every year. I can't even describe it for people who have never been. It is just at a park in the middle of a neighborhood, but it is definitely a quality show. The fireworks as so close and so loud and there is music and its just a great atmosphere and everything. Now lets compare that with the ones i saw last night. Don't get me wrong, i'm sure they were really good for the people inside the Stadium of Fire. But from our view point they were too far away to impress me. Not loud and not engaging at all. We talked through most of them. They weren't horrible, and it was a fun night, but I missed Oak Hills.

After the show was over, we headed back to our car only to get stuck in traffic for the next hour! Now, if you know anything about provo you know that the apartments south of campus (where we live) are NOT far from the provo temple. But there was SO much traffic. Without going into the details lets just say that my brother isn't the most patient person in the world. Lets just say, we may or may not have been pulled over by a fireman.

It was lots of fun overall though, and I'm really grateful that my brother invited tausha and I to go with him and his friends. The fourth of July turned out to be fun after all!


I failed to take any pictures yesterday, but here is a pic from last year's 4th of July (at Oak Hills of course!)

introducing the GIANT miniature horse!

yes... thats right. a giant miniature horse. better than your average circus act, thats for sure! Why is that my title you may ask? Well, thats what this blog promises to be! Actually its just going to be a list (because lets be honest, who doesn't like lists...) of random things i've been thinking about. which, like a giant mini horse is completely insignificant. enjoy! (p.s. tickets for this special show are only 10 dollars! we accept visa and mastercard. cash and personal checks. good food is also acceptable.)

1) My first point of great concern is my lack of social skills when it comes to guys. story: tonight tausha and i headed off to 7 peaks for a fun filled night at a multi ward activity. it was fun, it really was! Mike dunked me more times than i'd like to admit too. but i was surprised by the good fight i put up at times. anyway, i digress. at the end of the night tausha and i ran into two boys. we talked, we laughed, and finally we started to head to get our towels. They came upon theirs first and i said "well, see ya" and kept walking. I didn't think twice. Only in retrospect did i even realize that i should have stopped, talked more, and given them the chance to initiate something further. Now i'm not THAT upset, but it made me ponder long and hard about how i can be completely socially inept sometimes. oh well. if a guy wants me, he'll have to work for me!

2) My second point of great concern... (i wasn't aware that my list would be a list of concerns... but i'm not really surprised. haha) ... is how ridiculously "plugged in" i am. I was reading an article in the reader's digest a while ago about how to get a better nights sleep. One part that hit me hard was when their advice to "dump the 24/7 stuff and manage the electronics." I definitely think i could work on that! My mind is always full of "what-if's, why-did-we's and what's-on-the-agenda-tomorrow's" and i'm beginning to realize how much it probably drains my energy. I also have what Rockefeller University's Bruce McEwen, PhD, calls "a wholly artificial sense of urgency." I feel like i ALWAYS need to be on top of my e-mail. If it takes me longer than 10 hours to respond...i'm a failure. This creates an interesting/difficult situation because one of my roommates is constantly on my computer. I get home from school or work and want to check my e-mail (even if i checked it right before i left) and i can't. I can actually feel my body get anxious. Its quite pathetic and definitely something I need to manage better.

3) My third concern is that i am AWFULLY long winded when i write. Take, for example, this post. It was supposed to be a list of things. A realization and maybe a witty or interesting comment about each. 2-3 lines max. I have since written 2 paragraphs about my first two concerns. and... i have successfully made myself tired. which is good, seeing as it is midnight and i spent all evening playing. hopefully i fall right asleep! the last 3 nights its taken me a while... :(

in the words of my roommate "night y'all"