a kiss that meant something

Some time ago I made a list of blogs I wanted to write. (dedicated readers should remember this list) Go figure, I never got around to writing any of them! But i was sitting at church today and was reminded of the experience that was tied to the title "a kiss that meant something" and i really wanted to write about it and share it before i forgot it.

About a month ago my adventures took me up north. well, north salt lake at least. I was at Layton Mall and decided to take the opportunity to visit my grandpa who lives in Ogden. You may remember the post about when i went up there last semester. Unfortunately life gets busy and i had not been up since. Jumping at the opportunity i stopped in to see my grandpa, who is currently in a rehab/hospice type place. He fell and hurt his legs and has since become stuck in his wheel chair. He has a form of Alzheimer's and it is worsening almost daily.

I walked in and instantly saw him sitting in his wheel chair playing with something or other on the wall. I walked up and put my hand on his shoulder "grandpa? Elmo? How are you?" He looks at me and i can tell he doesn't recognize me, but i ask him anyway. "do you know who i am?" his answer is a simple no. I start explaining that i'm his grand daughter, his son's daughter and i'm here to visit him. It still makes me tear up to remember how his eyes lit up. "you came to see me!?" he said in a tone that made my heart ache for him. He grabbed my hand and i reassured him that i was there to see him. Then he motioned me towards him and he gave me the sweetest kiss ever. a little background: my family has never been one of those families that is always kissing each other, it kinda weirds me out, but getting one from my grandpa was one of the most precious things ever. At that point i started crying and i don't think i stopped for the rest of the visit.

The visit itself wasn't that extraordinary. His memory isn't the best so i showed him the pictures we have in his room. reminding him who everyone was and mostly just kept him company. At one point he told me that he wished his wife (my grandma) could be there to see me. She still lives in their house in Ogden and so i told him i would go visit her as well. He kept saying it over and over again. I think really he just missed her. The sad thing is she goes to visit him everyday, but by the end of the day he can't remember that she did. Its really hard on both of them, i'm sure.

When it came time to leave he asked if i knew where i was going. i did. but he tried to insist on letting him come with me; he'd show me where my grandma lived. I could barely muster the words to tell him no. I'm not strong enough to get him in and out of my car from his wheel chair and he had to eat dinner. He wanted so badly to leave the care facility (as anyone would, i'm sure) and told me a few times that he wished he could work or do anything. In fact, at one point when i asked if he was having a good day he said "no, all i do is sit here." It really made me sad. but on top of that, it made me appreciate life and what i have and the healthy body that i have to do things with. I really am scared of getting old, it doesn't look like much fun.

My goal is to go visit him more often. I realize that he won't remember me, and that once i leave he'll forget i was ever there. but seeing how happy it made him for a moment was more than worth it. Maybe next time i'll drag someone along who could help him get in and out of my car and we can take him out and about for a day. I think that would be nice.