Saturday, June 28, 2008

thank you "word of the day"

mazy: resembling a maze; intricate or confusing.

i'd love it if someone used that in a sentence on an average day! haha

Things that made me happy today.....

1) Seeing the beautiful flowers outside the library. I love love LOVE the black-eyed daisy's. I took a picture of one and changed my background on my phone.

2) Talking to my brother David online. He said "when there are people in you life that take care of you and make it good you better not mess it up." He also said that he recently learned that money doesn't make you happy. But that he is happy and he loves life. I love my brother so much and love seeing him grow up and learn and experience things!

3) Catching up with a guy from my freshman ward who just got home from his mish. He came over to visit and long story short it was interesting to see him again and reminisce about freshman year. Freshman year was SOO fun!

4) Thinking about my married friends. Marriage makes me happy! I talked to brit today and she is so cute as a newlywed. Also Steve, maria's hubby, joined our club wrote "the girls of 219 + rebecca" a mass email. It was hilarious and it makes me happy knowing my friends are so happy in love.

5) Eating my frozen grapes. and watching my friends reactions as they ate them. Tausha makes funny faces :) Of course frozen grapes are going to be COLD, thats why you let them defrost a little before eating them or be prepared for frozen-ness in your mouth.

6) Painting my nails... again. I've become quite the girly-girl with my nails recently. They are french tipped today. and they look good! if i do say so myself. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but it wasn't working. bummer.

7) Making lists! the end

sure why not...

I played around with my blog some tonight. you've probably noticed the new background. I'm not sure if i love it yet, but its good enough for now.

Also, if you haven't noticed yet I added a playlist at the bottom. Its mostly "chill" music. Ya know, music i can fall asleep to or have on in the background at work. I'm in the process of creating a "non-chill" playlist to show my craaaazzzyyy side. haha. I'll let ya know when i get done with that.

Until then... peace!

Monday, June 23, 2008

tag.. you're it

Elise just tagged me. I've been tagged once before, but forgot about it until just now. Sorry to whoever tagged me.

10 Years Ago:
1998. I was an awkward 10 year old. I was deathly nervous about starting middle school seeing as EVERYONE i knew from elementary school was going to a different middle school. (silly school boundries). I spent my summer days at the pool playing with my friend Leah and Tia. We would also create spells and eat apple cider directly out of the packet.

5 Years Ago:
2003. The summer i turned 16. I spent my days hanging out with friends! i finally made it past most of my awkward stage. Cynthia and i were inseparable at that time. I think that was the summer we planned out a whole week long Disney daycare kids camp. It never happened though.

5 Months Ago:
Jan 23rd 2008. Thanks to google and my google calendar i have a detailed record of what i did that day. That semester i didnt have classes on wednesdays... very nice. It looks like i spent the whole day at work....sending out e-mails. Most certainly something to do with Advanced Writing. I also worked at the ref desk that night. What an exciting day.

5 Things on My To-Do List:
1. Read two chapters and write a paper for my English class
2. Buy two books from the bookstore
3. E-mail Kaitlyn
4. Create another playlist on (one thats more upbeat and "crazy")
5. Deliver some notes to people in our ward on behalf of my roommate who moved out

5 Snacks:
1. frozen grapes
2. the oreo's fruit snacks and snickers that my vt's brought over
3. the dozen doughnuts that i bought on saturday night
4. mini caramel rice cakes
5. water

5 Billionaire Things:
1. Take a humanitarian trip to africa
2. Buy a hybrid car. (thanks to elise for this idea... i definitely agree!)
3. Give enough to my parents that they could pay off all their debt
4. invest in myself... new clothes, make-up, haircut, reconstructive dental work and laser hair removal
5. invest in my future... grad school and savings for my future family

5 Places I have Lived:
1. Ogden, UT
2. Beaverton, OR
3. Portland, OR
4. Provo UT
5. Jacob Lake, AZ

5 Things You Might Not Know About Me:
1. I was born in the same hospital as both of my brothers AND my dad
2. When i was younger I wanted to grow up and be a ballerina
3. I thought about being in a few plays in high school but never did for fear they'd make me sing.
4. I have one stitch in my body, in my left eyebrow area from when i was like 2 years old
5. I used to hate pink. just ask my mom. now look in my closet and you'll KNOW i don't hate it

5 People I Tag:

Jess, Jessie, Al, Amanda, Amy

"first day of school, first day of school"

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.

A special shout out to Finding Nemo for both the title of today's blog and for the quote! good movie :)

So yeah, today was my first day of classes for Summer term. Pretty exciting. I had my english class which is going to be a beast. My teacher said "you just jumped onto a fast horse. get ready for a ride." We have a quiz every wednesday and a paper due every friday. But its my last GE and then i'm DONE! So that is a good feeling! Being enrolled full time in summer classes was cheaper than just taking one, so i am also taking a dance class! It meets everyday which is cool 'cause i'll get lots of practice. Hopefully more boys will join! (there are currently 5...haha) I also have a Social Psychology class that starts tomorrow. I'm not sure yet what to expect from that one. I'm just taking it for fun, so hopefully thats what it will be. I'm surprisingly excited to be in classes again! Its fun to learn and meet new people!

If this is the horse i get to ride...on the beach.. i'm okay with it! :)

On a completely unrelated note.... we had a surprise party for Al's birthday last night. It turned out awesome! We also got to call Jess cause it was her birthday too! Yay for friends with birthdays! Its a good excuse to party! Speaking of parties, we had a "party" a few weeks ago to celebrate Mike and Jess' one month anniversary of being married. And when i say "we" I mean Jessie, Al and I. Basically what i'm trying to say is any excuse to party is a good one. Although the birthday idea makes a little more sense. haha. It makes me feel young to realize all my friends are turning 21 and i'm still 20, but someday soon i'll be 21! just over a month in fact! YAY!

On a somewhat related note.... here is a shout out to a boy named Steve. Steve, i don't really know you but you rock my world! You see, Steve was at the party last night and he mentioned he was a mechanic. My ears perked up and we got to talking about my then-broken window. He offered to go out and look at it for me. I agreed... anxious at the idea he could fix it (and save me a hundred dollars). Long story short he took off my door and diagnosed my problem and helped me get my window rolled up. Poor kid was in his church clothes and was expecting a party, but instead he helped me. Bless his soul! He gets the best mechanic who is a complete stranger award!

On a note related to the first topic... my visiting teachers are the BEST! I really do like them and i'm so grateful for their love and kindness towards me! Last night they attempted to track me down, unfortunately i was at the party for al and didn't come home until late. I was slightly confused cause they had already come to "visit teach" me this month but knowing them i knew they had something else up their sleeves. So today, the doorbell rings and i go out to see Amy with a guitar and Mel with a laptop. They had written me a song about surviving summer classes at BYU. It was excellent! And they gave me a gift bag full of all the goodies i need to make it though. you know, the essentials. Oreos, snickers, fruit snacks. haha and pens, pencils, a cute folder and a notebook (with zac efron haha) AND a bag full of these yummy nuts that Amy made. Speaking of the nuts, the only reason i knew about them is cause they were on the salad that these same visiting teachers made for me a few weeks ago for dinner! Yes, i'm spoiled. hehe. They love me!

On another completely unrelated note.... I've heard that the "accepted" age gap for dating is to divide your age in half and add 7. That means i can't date anyone younger than 17. HA! that seems so young. But reversely it means that the oldest i go could would be 26/27 and soon 28. What are your thoughts on this idea? I'm having a hard time accepting that it even might be possibly, kind of, almost, sort of okay. I know there is a WHOLE lot more than age to consider, but I'm getting hung up on that detail so i need you guys thoughts.

okay, i think thats enough for now. love you all!!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas

but what happens in provo doesn't have to stay in provo. And since I was in provo today i can tell you ALL about what i did! hahah. no.. i do not have anything better to do. but thanks for asking yourself that ;-)

First and foremost i slept in! that was great. I slept all the way until 10:30! Then I spent the most part of the day chillin and the apt. Spent some time at the pool (i have some pretty good tan lines to prove it!) sucessfully picked off most of my manicure (swimming started the chipping) and of course, blogged. Then i retreated back to my bed for a nap. A couple hours later i woke up and decided i should go grocery shopping. It had been over a month! I got talking to a friend online however who de-railed my plans. She convinced me to go to a stake activity instead and i'm glad i went. I didn't do much, but it felt good to get out of the house and the night was beautiful! We dug up some grass for a service project then spent the rest of the night at the pool. I didn't wear my swimming suit so i stayed dry with Amy and we listened to the karaoke. good times :) After the festivities i headed to the grocery store. On my way two guys in the car next to me struck up conversation at the stop light. They asked where i was from...oregon.. and then asked if i was a pot head. haha. I said no, and they said, yea you didn't really look like one. thats a good thing! I guess one perk of having a broken window is that new opportunities to talk to people... oh great. haha.

While participating in the service activity i realized that i've been spoiled as a child. I've never really done yard work. I've never ever used a lawn mower, i've never raked leafs, i've rarely pulled weeds, and i don't even know what other things most kids have to do that i did not. Now don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, just reflecting. I think the reason for this anomaly is that we lived in an apartment for most of my childhood. Thus, we didn't have to do our own yard work. Now that we live in a house, our yard work just doesn't really get done. hah, its kinda sad really. My dad owns his own landscaping business and when he gets home from work the LAST thing he wants to do is worry about our lawn. I know, i should have helped out and got it done for him, but he is also very particular about how to do it and i didn't want to mess it up or anything. Its too late now anyway. In thinking about it, however, i've realized that despite my lack of prior experience i DO plan on keeping up with the yard work when i get my own home. I think the front yard of a house can make or break it. It makes me excited to think about living in my own little home with flowers in the front yard and a garden in back! Some day i'll have it and then i can blog and post pictures! be excited! haha. until then i'll just have to master being able to keep my bedroom clean. another skill i didn't master as a child... whoops.

Breakdown here

"I'd sure hate to break down here
Nothin up ahead or in the rearview mirror
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin
So God help me keep me movin somehow"

Despite all the troubles my car has been giving me lately, it has NOT yet broken down in the middle of nowhere, and for that i am so grateful. Unfortunately, sometimes i'm not as strong as my car and i had a breakdown in the middle of the night last night.

I've spent the last week getting things straightened out with my car. One of my BFF's got married a few weeks ago and i promised her i'd come to her 2nd reception in vegas. I went to the one in oregon but was looking forward for an excuse to spend some time in vegas and knew she'd appreciate a familiar face at the reception in her husbands hometown. The moment i promised this (months ago) i began to worry. My car, although its in GREAT shape for being so old and having so many miles, isn't the most fun to drive and is old enough that it scared me to think about driving it for 5 hours in the heat of the summer into vegas. Not willing to give up that easy i talked to friends and roommates and tried to arrange another way down there. Car pool anyone? Things kept falling through with that and the closer it got, the more it looked like i was going to be driving.

I convinced myself it would be alright but gave in to the idea that i needed new tires and brakes before i would go. So last week i took my car to Les Schwab to get new tires and brakes. It was then that they informed me i also needed a new drive axel. Now, lets be honest.. i don't know much about cars but i know that safety is important to me. And the idea that i would be driving for a while was great motivation to get everything done as they recommended. The pathetic part, looking back on it, is that i spent about as much money to fix the car as i did to buy it in the first place. (rolls eyes) After that was all done and paid for i decided to look at the weather report. 108* in vegas today! holy cow. A little bit of background on my car.. the cold-hot lever has been stuck in the middle for as long as i've had the car. I decided to take it into the mechanic and see what it would cost to take care of that. Long story short i gave in to the idea of paying almost 400 dollars to get that fixed only to show up the next day and find out the part didn't come in. They were able to get the cold air to work, but broke the dial even more in the process. The result: i got cold air and didn't have to pay 400 dollars (only 100) but now its more broken than before. I haven't yet decided if its worth it to go back in and get them to actually fix it or not.

After leaving the Nissan Dealership is was feeling pretty good. I had an hour until a date and 12 hours until i would be waking up to leave to go to Vegas (the plan was to hit the road at 6am). I rushed home, got ready for my date and let my brother borrow my car for the night making him promise to be careful. Almost 5 hours later i got home from my date (he was kind enough to understand i needed to be in bed early so i could drive the next morning) and started paniking. There were so many things i didn't have ready for the trip. I hadn't finished packing or talked to my co-workers roommate (who was going to drive down with me) and my car was still MIA. I got ready for bed and finished things up as fast as I could, but i didn't make it to bed until close to midnight. After laying in bed for a little while i got a call from my brother. He had the car back, but needed to "show me something". I roll out of bed and go find him, worried about what happened. He informs me that he went to roll down the window and it fell off the tracks and is now stuck down. As he was telling me this i willed myself not to break down. Not yet. We spent the next hour trying to fix it, but to no avail. I went inside, thanking him for his help and accepting the fact that it wasn't his fault it broke. just really bad luck.

Thats when i broke. I went through all the options. Plastic or fabric or something? no. waiting until later in the day after i had a chance to take my car someplace to be fixed and then driving down? no, I was only going to be in vegas for a day and waiting longer to go would not be worth it and it would be SO hot if we left later. driving to st gorge and hoping i could find a place there to fix it? no i couldn't even fathom the idea of driving high speeds with the wind in my face. plus it would suck up gas like no other. and i JUST got my ac fixed! Stay home and not go? no, i had a friend expecting me, and a girl counting on me for a ride and i just put in lots of money and time and effort and stress to get my car working in tip top shape. There was no easy answer.

Luckily soon after coming in my roommate came home and listened to me sob and helped me think logically. I decided that i just wasn't supposed to go to vegas. This broke my heart. But by this time it was close to 2 am and there was no way i could drive after only getting 3 hours of sleep anyway. so the decision was made and the ruling was final. I called the girl and informed her she could sleep in (i felt so bad) and then made it to bed finally at 3 am.

looking back i'm glad i made the decision i did. I struggled with it, but i feel like it was the smart move. I've had a few more minor "break-downs" since then. Like when i had to call brit and tell her i wasnt coming. But everyone has been so understanding and supportive. I love my support group! (even if knowing you care makes me want to cry more sometimes.. haha) So now i just have to figure out where to go to get it fixed and trust that it was the right decision. I'm really hoping i will turn on the news just to find out that there was a major disaster somewhere in vegas and not going on the trip saved my life. I doubt it. but it would be a nice comfort.

So instead of spending the day in vegas... i spent most of the morning sleeping and then went to the pool and now i'm wasting time and relaxing. It feels good. I start classes on monday and so i'm grateful for the time i've had today to get things ready.

And someday i'll marry a mechanic who can fix my car for me and hold me when i break-down and be strong for me so i don't have to be so strong always. Until then... I'm getting pretty good at this "being a grown-up" things. :)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

quote unquote

I have added two new quotes to my facebook page recently.

1.) "When Dealing With People, Remember You Are Not Dealing With Creatures Of Logic, But Creatures Of Emotion"

I read this one today and it hit a cord in me. I tend to consider myself a pretty logical person. But the truth is that behind all the logic i really am a creature of emotion. I can "realize" why things are happening they way they are but in the moment all that knowledge is shot and i'm reduced to my emotions. More over, a lack of sleep or eating tend to decrease my ability to be logical.

2.) "There is a little bit of truth behind every just kidding; a little bit of curiosity behind every just wondering; a little bit of knowledge behind every I don’t know; and a little bit of emotion behind every I don’t care."

This one i just think is sooo true. Just something to think about next time someone says "i don't care" and or next time you find yourself saying you are "kidding". People are insecure and may hid behind phrases like these. Especially if they are being emotional rather than logical.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

its a bird... its a plane... nope its a blog!

Research has shown that there are two things that are significant in how successfully someone can learn something. be it in a class at school, at church or just a life lesson from our everyday experience. These two things are 1) a desire to learn and 2) an opportunity to reflect on the experience. I think the second one is HUGE! I was so thrilled to hear that research supports my love of blogging. I like to blog about what i think and what happens to me... and now i know that is beneficial for my learning! and heck, i'm all about learning those life lessons God has sent me here to learn.

That being said, I've been generating quite a few blogs over the last week or so. Unfortunately I haven't had the chance to write them out as soon as i thought about them. And now I'm worried they will be less interesting. Since time has passed and I'm not as enthusiastic about it all, ya know? But... I still want to reflect and write about them all! And so i will. go ahead... call me crazy. Anyway, i digress.

In attempt to motivate me to write without risking a loss of enthusiasm i have created a game. And here is where you, my dear readers, can help. All you need to do is tell me which "blogs" i should take from the mental form to the written form and hopefully finally to the published form. Here are few of topics floating around in my head....

a kiss that actually meant something
i'm more than just a pretty face
Thoughts on traveling alone
the circle of life
there is no such thing as a free meal
a little rough around the edges
pics from brits wedding
head to head: youth summit vs efy
weddings = bad luck
hot-air balloons, parachutes and sunsets
ornery vs cranky

thats a good list to start off with! yes, i know some of them are vague, thats what keeps it interesting! please vote on which ones you'd like me to blog about first. remember... its a game! it will be fun! haha.


do you need a personal invitation?

Growing up my mom would usually call us for dinner "kids, dinners ready" and then wait and wait and wait for all of us to show up. Since there are only three of us, it shouldn't have taken terribly long (especially since we all like food) but some nights we were slower than slow. It was at that point that she would say "Kirsten (or david or tyler) do you need a personal invitation to dinner?" And then we would grudgingly leave whatever we were doing that was so important and join the rest of the fam.
I haven't thought about this exchange in years! but today at church we were discussing different ways in which we can help personalize our church to individual members. One of the members of the bishopric said something that i thought was really wise. He said that often times we make lots of announcements to the ward or relief society and thats great, but sometimes there are people who need a personal invitation. Its so true! I've realized lately that i've fallen into that crowd and i've shyed away from participating is some things simply because i never got a personal invitation (or two or three). I don't like that I'm needy like that, but i am. (at least for the time being) and this attitude transfers over to other aspects of my life as well. I'm so passive at times that i don't want to impose on anyone unless i am CERTAIN that they want me to.

Just an interesting observation i made at church today.

but hey, guess what?! i will blog more soon! hopefully today! be excited!


Thursday, June 5, 2008

how to please the computer gods

So, i work a lot with computers and i've become pretty good at fixing them. And by "good at fixing them" i mean.... i've learned that for most computers in the library a simple reboot will cure most problems. Unfortunately the computer at my home isn't quite as nice. and by "quite as nice" i mean.... it is from the stone age and works slower than slow. My parents, bless their hearts, aren't really in to the whole "Technology-age" and so it doesn't really bother them. My mom spends her day at work on a computer and apparently gets her fix that way. My father is slowly learning but lets just say that with a slow computer his learning speed is also very very slow. That being said, i guess it shouldn't really have surprised me to learn that the computer wasn't connecting to the internet and had become more of a decoration than a useful tool. Upon further inquiry i learned that no one knew exactly what was wrong with it AND no one seemed to care. Now, the sad commentary on my life is that i was going crazy without it. I didn't know what to do in my free time and felt disconnected from my "real life" you know, the life that lives inside the computer. I couldn't live without it....something had to be done! I decided to try my hand at fixing the computer. I played around with it for a little while but to no avail. Finally i decided... what if i just reboot it. This is when the fun began.

While i was waiting for it to reboot i resorted to wasting time on my brothers laptop. And although his laptop couldn't connect to the internet, it did have the classic solitaire games to entertain me. As the desktop was rebooting it decided it needed to run some sort of diagnostic test.... a "simple" test that took about half an hour to complete. It was during this time that i convinced myself that my ability to succeed at the solitaire games was directly correlated to the speed and success at which the computer would function. And so i started... i beat a game of normal solitaire, and then a game of spider solitaire and then finally a game of free cell. Now, i kid you not. The exact moment i finished my game of free cell i looked up and saw, much to my astonishment, the desktop computer with a connected internet page! It had just finished loading and was ready for me! Of course, it still runs slower than slow but at least i got it connected. So, let the lesson be learned that in order to please the computer gods you just have to show them you are smart enough to beat their games. it works. for reals. (either that or God was just blessing me with games to occupy my time and attention while i had to wait for the computer... either, or.)

unfortunately all of that didn't teach me much patience .... for as i soon became frustrated with trying to do anything that involved waiting for pages to load. oh well.. you can't win every battle.

Its now after midnight portland time which makes it way past my bedtime in utah.
time. for. bed.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

feels like home....

I'm in Portland! yay! I love the feeling of coming home and being back here. Its the little things, like showering in my own bathroom, that make it feel like the good ole days. Its funny how i left to go to college three years ago with the intention of finding myself and now i realize, that although i have grown a lot and found out a lot about myself, that i really am the same person i have always been. Its easy to get lost at BYU and become an incomplete version of myself so it's nice to come back home and reconnect with myself. I think i mentioned in a previous blog that when it rained in utah i could breath again. Thats exactly how i feel here in portland. The weather is overcast and there is the familiar scent of moisture in the air and i can breath, both literally and figuratively. its great! Everyone should move to oregon! wait. no. that could be bad. but everyone should at least experience the great northwest in all its beauty!! random thought... did you know that the church once bought land in oregon with the intentions to build a school? They ended up building a temple instead (which is beautiful!!!) but just think of how different life would be if BYU was in oregon? I'm not sure i'd like that so much, come to think of it. but ya never know.

So, I'm beginning to realize how busy i'll be these next few days. Brittany's wedding is on saturday and i've offered to help with as much as i can before then. We went shopping today for a gift for rob and some last minute accessories for the bridesmaids (that's me!). Brittany is so done making decisions that i'm glad i can be there to at least help her talk through things. Then tonight my family wants to go see the new Emma movie, i'm not too interested in it, but they are excited that a churchy movie has come to "the big screens" in portland. Then tomorrow i get to go shopping with one of the other bridesmaids, then help get things set up for the reception (brit says we are tying ribbons on chairs... sounds fun!) and visit with one of my friends from here who just had a baby! Friday we get our nails done, then i'm babysitting for all the lil chillins' while brit goes to the temple (i'm bringing my brother along so i don't have to do anything that might ruin my nails... like changing dirty diapers! haha) then we have a dinner for the wedding party and we'll end the night with the awesome bachelorette party that we are throwing. Saturday is of course the at the temple, a light lunch, more pictures, dinner/dancing and the sort. Brittany says she has a whole list of things that we, the bridesmaids, are to be doing at the dinner/dance so that will be fun. I'm just so excited!!! ya for weddings. i love love.

So i'm at the public library because our internet isn't working at my home. Its kinda frustrating, but what can ya do. I have much more i want to say. thoughts on traveling, aging, horoscopes, ice cream, characteristics, hot air balloons etc. Basically anything and everything that went through my head the last day. hopefully i'll find some time to get all those thoughts down. I'll post pics of the festivities, but that may have to wait until i'm back in provo. Until then, this will have to do.

to all my provo friends... don't miss me too much!
much love!

Monday, June 2, 2008

my exploits as of late

exploit: An act or deed, especially a brilliant or heroic one

Well, i'm far from heroic, but I AM brilliant! so it works, right!?

My first brilliant act from this last week has been the creation of a new tutorial for the library. Not only did i outline the idea, write out the script and create the visuals (using really amazing pictures that my coworker drew). I'm also one of the voices and the director and the editor of the videos. Yeah, i'd say i'm leaving a pretty good mark at the library. Its been crazy trying to meet all the deadlines, but i think we are doing excellent!

After spending all day friday recording i needed a break! Rebecca and I went to see Vantage Point at the dollar theater. It was good and engaging enough to keep my mind off of life for long enough to enjoy the movie. I bought a bag full of jelly belly's to enjoy during the movie and enjoy them i did! I'm a sucker for those things where you can choose your own flavors and fill up the bag! Unfortunately i ate far too many (especially after not eating much for dinner).

Saturday I was pleasantly surprised to get a call from my brother inviting me to come play fugitive with him. Having only played fugitive once in my life, i was apprehensive about the whole thing and worried i wouldn't have fun. but..i did! And the what fun would night games be if we didn't get "a talkin' to" by the cops. We didn't get in trouble, but we did get the attention of two cop cars. pretty cool, eh?

Sunday started off rough but ended on a good note. After sleeping for...well...all day, I went over to my old stomping grounds in sparks and par-tayed it up with Al and Jessie. That night away was exactly what I needed and lifted my spirits alot. yay for awesome friends!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

focusing on the sunshine

I got home from church, and true to my addition, i had to check my e-mail, google reader and facebook. I received no new e-mails, which is actually a good thing because the only e-mails i receive are usually related to work and today is my day off. There was one new blog that i read, thanks al for entertaining me. And one interesting update on face book. I noticed that one of my friends updated his status to say he "is working on himself." I stopped to think about this status for a minute and realized that we should be working on ourself always. So here i am, ready to work on myself by reflecting on what i (re)learned at church today.

I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head the last few days. And before church i was thinking about how annoying (yeah, thats a good word) it is that my thoughts/feelings could change so dramatically so often. I could be perfectly content one moment just to find myself on the verge of tears the next. In sacrament meeting there was a strong focus on realizing and recognizing all of blessings, even in times of pain and heartache. This helped, but it wasn't until i was sitting in relief society that i realized that although my thoughts had been all over the place, they did share one thing in common. They were all overwhelmingly negative. (okay, not all, but for the most part) I had been focusing on the negative and letting my mind wander deeper and deeper inside this pit of negativity. Despite the encouragement of everyone who i talked to, i was subconsciously refusing to embrace the positive for what it was. I think this attitude played a large part in why our relief society lesson was so meaningful to me today. In addition, i have been thinking a lot lately about how i need to be less sarcastic and focus more on recognizing the good in others and actually pointing what i notice out. The lesson seemed to be perfect for me.

The presidency lesson was focused on the monumental talk that Elder Holland gave (a year ago i believe) entitled "The Tongue of Angels." Here are the goals I made ( hopefully writing them down will motivate me to work more on them)

1) Decrease negative thoughts- i tend to make lists in my head, and lists full of negative things are harmful to say the least.
2) Talk more highly about myself- when i'm insecure about something, i'll joke about it. and so it follows that i would joke about myself at times. unfortunately even jokes can be harmful.

These first two relate together perfectly for one of my favorite quotes from this talk "We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable." I want to search out the sunshine, the roses and the hope and happiness that God has promised me.

3) Decrease sarcastic/bitting comments- again, even though they are jokes most of the time does not mean they are okay.
4) Pray to know what to say instead of the sarcastic bitting remarks- i need to work on this especially at times when i am upset
5) Practice nurturing others (so that i can nurture my future children)- positive words can lift someone up in a world where everything else in trying to tear them down.

These last three relate back to Elder Holland's counsel that we should help others "escape our culture's obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are 'enough.'" I want to help others and myself escape this obsession because it really is detrimental.

I'm excited for this chance i've been given to start anew and work on these goals. And I'm excited to see what God will make of me if i let him