Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A few observations...

1) why are there some people who will not hold the door open even if the next person is right behind them. seriously, are they that inconsiderate? completely clueless? or do they just not know any better?

2) there are many people on campus who are clueless about where they are walking. Generally speaking, i am not one of them. I make a point to carefully maneuver out of the way. This works except for on the rare occasion that the other person is also in the small "i watch where i'm going and think about others" crowd. Then it can get tricky as we both try to accommodate to the other person. I guess its a good thing everyone isn't so observant.

3) Lately I've had a thirsty throat that i just can't satisfy. I think the dryness comes from being sick. Its a sad sad feeling to drink water and not be able to fully quench the thirst.

4) This observation is more of a question. How much PDA is acceptable? holding hands? a hug goodbye? a short kiss goodbye? any thoughts? A friend told me today that while she was dating her last boyfriend she wouldn't even think about kissing him on campus. Now i've never been a fan of huge amounts of PDA, but i think there are some things that are cute and acceptable and in fact, should be encouraged.

5) I hope i'm still holding hands with my husband when we are 95 years old.

6) Airline companies are annoying. I looked into buying tickets online last week. All days were about $110 each way. Today i check and they are running a special where the tickets are only $80 one way. EXCEPT for the week surrounding Thanksgiving. Instead, said tickets are twice the normal price. Now thats just cruel, don't you think? The principles of supply and demand are not working in my favor.

7) I have a horrible memory. I will be $130 richer when I finally remember to do two simple things.

8) Typically thanksgiving is a favorite holiday of guys who eat, play sports and watch football all day. but not usually of the moms who get up early to cook, cook more, and then clean up all day.

9) I observe that it is 9:30 and i finally get to leave work! YAY!

10) smile :)

isn't it about... time?

I feel like a walking advertisment for Aeropostale today. I realized this afternoon that both my sweatshirt and my jeans came from that store. What is ironic about that is that they also happen to be the only two things that I own from there. Well, thats not true. but 2 out of things that i own. I would feel bad... but i really like the sweatshirt! Its super warm and cute. And the jeans were only $12 so you can't beat that. (the jeans pictures are not the ones i own, but i couldn't find a real picture and they look kinda similar)

In other news, I feel the need to blog. In fact i feel the desire to blog. But i just don't have any energy right now. I realize that i have not written anything in almost two months. I'm sorry. I guess i've been a little busy. Almost 18 hours a week at the hospital for my internship. Full time classes (well, only 9 credits, aka 3 classes, if you take out the 5 credits i get for my internship/ once a week internship class) . 15-20 hours a week working at the library. And all my free time is spent hanging out with Brett. Needless to say some of the "extra" activities have been dropped lately. Ya know things like blogging (if i did blog, i would want to talk about Brett the whole time and that would be awkward), doing my laundry (i REALLY need to do that asap), cooking well rounded meals (who wants to wait for dinner to cook at 9 oclock at night?), cleaning my room (i think doing my laundry will help with my room situation), etc. etc. I am in NO WAY complaining though. I am absolutely loving my life right now. I'm constantly happy and usually in a good mood. Sure i get tired, but i really can't complain. I'm seriously so blessed (note the blog reference). haha...but seriously (note the brett-ism reference).

Since i still have an hour left at work and since I'm avoiding studying for any of my 3 tests that I have in the next week, I will continue to blog. But, just for fun, i'm going to make them separate entries.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

don't judge a book by its cover

Many of you may remember at the beginning of this summer my personal goal to to read more. Well, i'm sad to say, it didn't work out as planned. I did read Tuck Everlasting!... but thats pretty sad for a whole summer. I even taught an enrichment lesson about the importance of reading good books. But i have nothing to show from it. My most recent motivation was Education Week. I helped one of my supervisors prepare and present her lecture series. All 4 classes related back to good books somehow (picking, sharing, etc). Each day i left with a renewed desire to read more! (especially when i have kids! I can't wait to cuddle up next to them and read aloud!) Once again, i'm hoping that i can follow through with this goal. This next semester might be a tad bit busy, but we'll see how it goes.

Just to give you all a peak inside my life. Here is what i have in store for the next little while.

Classes start a week from today. My classes include: Crisis Intervention, Perspectives on Cultural Diversity and Marriage Prep (calm down.. its just for fun). Most of my credit hours (5) will come from my academic internship. I'll be working part time with the Social Worker at the local hospital. I'm excited to see what that holds!

Outside of class, i'm still working at the Library. My plan is to stay until i graduate in April. That means i'll have held the same student job all 4 years of my BYU career. Pretty spiffy, eh? I recently got a new title of "Head TA" and all the extra work that comes with that. It was also approved for me to help the Social Sciences Librarian teach her advanced writing classes this year. So i'll be teaching library sessions on how to research in the Social Work and Psychology fields. Our freshman english tutorial (the big project of the summer) is about done! so thats a relief. And although we ended up not using my voice in the recording (thankfully) it still has quite a bit of me in it. so thats fun.

Outside of work and school... oh wait. is there life outside of work and school? haha, I sure hope so! After all, its important to keep a good balance. I'm not sure what to expect in that regards. A new house, a new ward, a old roommate is back again, and brett gets back in town soon. Lots of fun adventures for sure. Speaking of, for those of you in provo pay attention! We are having a house warming party next saturday. You're all invited!! More details to come.

I think that will suffice as an update for now. I'm on my lunch break at work and its about time to head back.

I hope everyone is enjoying the last few fleeting moments of summer!!

much loves!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

its been a while

hello again. sorry its been so long. classes ended, i took finals, moved and then worked full time for a week. I would have loved to blog about all the exciting adventures involved, but i just didn't have time. or when i did.... i didn't have access to the internet. (my new house isn't fully equipped yet).

Speaking of the house... here is a picture of the outside. Yes, its a little ghetto but its gonna be great. Its pink.. how could it be anything less than great?!

Here is our living room. I'll post more pics of the inside when i get everything unpacked.

Yes its true, i have yet to finish unpacking. Instead i went to the driving range...

and to the county fair

and saw a rodeo.

I've been busy doing lots of other things as well. but these were the only pictures that i had.

In other news my very awesome younger brother got his mission call!! (this is him at his eagle scout last year). He is going to burn and sweat to death in Arizona. spanish speaking.

All in all I'm doing pretty good. :)

Friday, August 8, 2008

I am spoiled...

No, i am not the type of spoiled that happens to your roommates food when she leaves it in the fridge for too long. I am spoiled lucky by people who care about me! Now, i wouldn't normally consider myself to be the "spoiled child" type. Generally speaking, I have worked for and paid for all of my schooling and any recreational activities (including shopping) since i turned 12. But let me tell you, i'm feeling pretty spoiled these days.

Last week i celebrated by 21st birthday! I was reminded of how many people care about me and are willing to do things for me. I also realized how awesome life is and I've felt pretty happy for a while which is a blessing.

Since you are all wondering what i did for my birthday, i will tell you! It started at midnight (tuesday night/wednesday morning). I was with Brett, who provided the first happy birthday wishes. I also received multiple text messages from friends who remembered. Thanks girls! The next morning my Tyler brought over 2 dozen red roses. The roses were a present from my parents and David.
I absolutely love having fresh flowers in our apartment. so that was an exciting surprise. I then went to work (what kind of boss schedules a meeting with me for 9 am on my birthday). but work was pleasant as well. Both of my supervisors wished me a happy birthday as well as all of the coworkers that i saw. And lets be honest, who doesn't like all the excitement and attention that comes with having a birthday? After my meeting i headed off to class. boring, yes. But we got out early. I got to talk to my mom before going back into work. Luckily i got everything done for the day and convinced my boss that i was taking the rest of the day off. Then it was time for dance class. decent. then my whole office went out to lunch with me. By boss treated me and the food was yummy! The rest of the afternoon consisted of a somewhat successful shopping trip(thanks to my parents for the spending money!). I did buy two new pairs of shorts. White and brown. I also got a new skirt that has pockets!! always an added bonus. and a black shirt. Despite the successful shopping trip, i was still discouraged when i couldn't find anything to wear to the dance lab I had to attend that night. Luckily i did my laundry recently, so that shouldn't be a problem again for a few weeks.

As i alluded to, i spent the first part of the night at a dance lab. i was bored and anxious to celebrate more of my birthday, so i left after the first hour. Brett surprised me with a balloon and a present! He got me this really awesome book called The Infinite Atonement . His mission president wrote the book and apparently its really good. I'm way excited to read it! Brett and I then went to a quaint little diner for dinner because they have these AWESOME ice cream cones that i wanted for dessert. the machine adds flavor to the outside of the ice cream. I wish i could remember what they were called so i could encourage you all to try one!

After that we played some pool (i lost) some ping pong (i lost) and some chinese checkers (i won!). Then we sat outside, where i got bit 10 times (see previous blog) and then midnight struck and my birthday was over. or was is? My brother actually surprised me the next day with an awesome present. A i-pod! and amanda and rooi came over to visit and amanda brought me one of my favorite snacks... peanut butter and graham crackers. Also, my visiting teachers brought over these yummy strawberry treats and the relief society baked me a cake. See, i really am spoiled! Thanks guys! My birthday was awesome and i'm was lucky to have good friends to spend it with.

On a slightly related note, i'm getting an semi late b-day present soon from Verizon. My 2 year contract is up and so i get a new phone. I'm got an LG Venus and its my new favorite toy! It came yesterday and i'm slightly addicted. Espeically since i can check my e-mail on it AND play songs AND text friends! what more does a little girl need?!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

happy, blissful, chipper, pleased, glad, joyous

I'm in a good mood today. Which is surprising, seeing as i only got 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Why the limited sleep? Well, because yesterday was friday night so of course i stayed out late and then this morning we had a work breakfast at 8. normally i'd wake up at 7:30 for something like that, but we had cleaning checks this morning and i had yet to clean up my room or the bathroom. so i got up at 6:30 to get everything done. Luckily i wasn't too tired. When i got home from the breakfast i took an hour nap and woke up feeling refreshed. Its such a good feeling. My favorite story from today was a conversation i had with a friend. The topic was about her saying i love you to her boyfriend. Somehow i took that topic and quickly and excitedly progressed their relationship to the "i have a one year old baby" stage. I got so excited for the baby's b-day party complete with cake in the face. haha. it was a good converstation! In other news, I was somewhat productive this afternoon which is good, but whats better is that i wasn't stressed! Now i'm at work, and i actually cataloged some music and although i still have an hour and a half left I'm feeling pretty good. I'll probably hit the wall with one hour remaining. We'll see though.

I wrote a blog about my birthday week extravaganza! but i want to add pictures from my camera so i will post it a little later.

until then, do as the singing fish say and "don't happy!"

Friday, August 1, 2008

little bloodsuckers

as the title of my blog states "sometimes words come rushing out, sometimes they just trickle" today is a day of rushing words my friends. why? well there are multiple contributing factors 1) i'm at work avoiding music cataloging 2) its friday and i finally have some free time to blog... its been a while and 3) i'm in a good mood. :)

The focus of this blog is on the pesky little bug we call mosquitos.

I was sitting outside with brett the other night. near grass, which was my first mistake. when suddenly my knee started to itch. Frustrated i looked down to see a nice red mark appearing. Of course i itched it. Of course brett told me to stop. Now lets fast forward to today. my knee still itches, but its not alone. I have two bites on my left knee, two on my left calf, one on my left foot, one on my right foot, one on my right achilles tendon, and two other small ones on my right leg. yes, count them, thats NINE (9). And if you know me, you know i am a picker and itcher and a baby. so its really hard to try and "ignore" the itch. I realize that ignoring them makes them decrease and eventually go away, but its just so hard!

I found this website about how to "How to Get Rid of a Mosquito Bite" Maybe i'll try some of the remedies when i get home from work.

isn't it about... time?

I've worked at the library for 3 years now. I've spent countless hours studying in the library, sleeping in the library, working in the library, even eating in the library. One might say that some days i live at the library. That being said, in my 3 years i have NEVER experienced a library fire alarm. shocking, i know. some of my co workers have "lived through" over 10. and me... zero. Until today. My dance class got out early (we had a test, and i tested second and got to leave) so naturally, i migrated to the library. The rest of the story is pretty boring. The alarm went off, blaring loudly in my ears, we walked outside through the special emergency exit (i HAD been out this exit before when we were trained) and waited in the hot sun for the ringing to stop. As an employee, i got to enter back into the library through the secret exit and go back to work. terribly exciting. okay, not really, but now at least i can say i've experienced one!

As with all good life changing experiences, todays events got me thinking. Be prepared these are profound thoughts:

1.) why does the alarm have to be so loud? OW. nuff said

2.) what happens to people who can't use stairs? you are not supposed to use a elevator during a fire alarm. Where i work, on the second floor, there were many older patrons in the area for a family history conference. Convincing them all to go out the stairs and not back to the elevator was tricky. Luckily they all made it. But seriously, what if someone couldn't walk up the stairs? I've seen little contraptions to help people get down stairs, but what about up??

3.) how often am i aware of the closest emergency exit? the library is HUGE and as we all know, there is only one main entrance. In the event of a fire, there are multiple "hidden" exits that are available. Luckily i know about them since i work here, but what if i was unfamiliar with the layout. what would i do? I would burn to death. so, from now on, i am going to find the emergency exit prior to sitting down.

4.) why don't some people listen? there was a girl waiting outside the classroom when i got back to work after the alarm. my boss asked her "did you not leave the library?" She said no. WHAT? what do you mean you didn't leave the library? she explained that they were in the maps section when the doors closed and no one moved. The announcement came on the loud speaker for everyone to evacuate and yet, no one moved. Seriously, what if there really was a fire? Unlikely.. yes. but possible. Maybe they didn't know where to go, maybe peer pressure made it easier to stay, but maybe next time the won't be as lucky. On a similar note, a month or so ago i was sitting in the library when an announcement came on that said to evacuate the library. again, no one moved. There was no fire alarm and no apparent reason to leave. So we didn't. It ended up being a mistake, but we all sat there for 5 minutes until they finally told us we did NOT have to leave the building. When should we follow directions and when should we ignore them? I don't have an easy answer.

Monday, July 28, 2008

cause the hardest part is a person and a heart...

I could come up with a list of complaints right now. it wouldn't be hard. but thats not what i want to do. I was cranky, ornery, irritable, grouchy etc. whatever your word of choice is, it was it. So what did i do? I turned on music. Music is great medicine. It was this music that reminded me i never blogged about something, or rather someone.

His name is Jon Troast. Jon with no h and toast with a r. And he is my new favorite music crush. He opened for a concert i went to a few weeks ago and i became an instant fan. According to his myspace page he is listed as folk rock/pop/acoustic. I'm not sure what i would call it, i've never been one knowledgable in music genres. All i know is i like his style, his lyrics, and his voice.

Check out his page:

His song "Family" is on my playlist. Unfortunately thats the only one they have. I also like a number of the songs on his website. Unfortunately many of the songs from his concert are not on there. Maybe i'll track down his CD someday.

Thats me. Top right. you can see me, right? haha. okay.. fine. but i promise i was there.

(the pic is from his blog on his profile. he is on a "living room tour" and takes pictures will all of his audiences. needless to say, this show had quite the large living room. in his blog he also wrote about his visit to Portland. he captures Portland quite well, check it out.)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A smile on my face

I love this feeling. I hope it lasts.

I don't really have much to say, but I just wanted to post and share my happiness with you all!

p.s. exactly one week til my b-day!

(the pic is of the balloon and flowers i got tausha for her b-day, i just loved them so much i wanted a picture on my blog of them!)

this world is one strange place

I came home from work today at like 7. My roommate was on my computer and I didn't have any homework to do (since tomorrow is a holiday!). So what do I do? I sit in front of the TV of course. Its been a while since I've watched anything on the TV so i flipped through the channels not knowing what to expect. I ended up on Lifetime where a movie had just started. Intrigued, and for lack of anything better to do, I started watching it. Come to find out the movie was called "Glass House: the good mother." It was kinda dark and definitely intense at points but what interested me more what the story line. Its a story of a mother who has Munchausen Syndrome by proxy. Basically its a disorder where the mother intentionally makes her child ill in order to be able to care for the child. Its sad and disturbing to think about all of the different things that go on in the world. Stories of abuse just make me so frustrated with people. On a related note, the mother and father were foster parents and had "gone through" multiple little boys. Its scary to think that a social worker looked over the real problem (fictionally speaking, of course). As a future social worker myself that is a scary thought. I know that i can't be perfect in my job, but i really hope that i am competent enough to avoid situations where more harm is done because of a decision i make. Thinking about things like this make me SOOOO excited for life after this world. I just can't wait! I know that things will work out for all of God's children (which is a really comforting thought) and that heaven will be a much happier place.

Please please everyone be careful and be nice to people. You'd be surprised how many people in the world need friends.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


I just took a look at my blog and realized it has been two whole weeks, 14 days, since my last post. That makes me sad. I'm sure i've had profound thoughts and words of wisdom and pointless stories over the past two weeks that never made it on my blog. As my reader, i'm sure you're upset to. right?! good :) I guess i've just been super busy. I really don't know where the month of July has gone. But busy is good. I've been having my fair share of fun, so don't you worry.

Hopefully i'll schedule some good quality blogging time into my schedule this week. Until then, i'll leave you with a few things i'm excited for:

July 24th: yay for Utah and their insistence on celebrating this holiday. I'm just happy cause classes are canceled that day! And although the library is open, i managed to successfully avoid signing up for a shift.

July 25th: bonfire with mi amigos! Jess is coming back in town for the weekend and its time to party.

July 30th: MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

party on!

Shoo fly pie

I wish this post was about pie. yum. In fact it could be, i just got off the phone with my mom and she is going to send me a recipe for key lime pie. but i digress. This post is about our beloved friends.... the house fly. The line in the title is a lyric from some old swing song that somehow is in my repertoire of pointless music knowledge.

Here is a lovely picture is case you forgot what a disturbingly disgusting animal it is. Just in case that wasn't enough here is a little background on flies:

"Houseflies can take in only liquid foods. They spit out saliva on solid foods to pre-digest it, and then suck it back in. They also vomit partially digested matter and eat it again."

lovely, huh?

So why the sudden interest with flies? you ask. Well, because they are the bane of my existence. (yes i know, i'm exaggerating)

here is the story:

imagine yourself, lying in bed on a peaceful Sunday morning. Thinking about how you need to get up and finish preparing your talk for church, but not willing to succumb to your alarm clock quite yet. When suddenly you hear a noise. bsssssssss. It makes you flinch. Your hand naturally tries to swat and your eyes jerk open. Just in time to see a fly circling your room. Frustrated, you close your eyes again, intent on salvaging the last few minutes of rest in your bed. not more than 10 seconds later you have deja vou as the fly decides to interrupt your rest... yet again. This time more frustrated you open your eyes and hope that you can swat it down without getting out of bed. multiple attempts later the fly is still flying around your room. You try pulling your sheet over your head, but the soft cotton threads don't function as much of a sound barrier. You wonder how the fly knows exactly where to fly to cause you the most disturbance. Almost ten minutes later you finally get out of bed. you see the fly and glare at it as your make your way out of the room. what better way to start a day than with malicious thoughts towards a fly.

okay, that may not be the most dramatic story or experience ever but i was SOO frustrated. seriously, the fly was driving me crazy. And to make it worse, i re-lived the experience this afternoon during my much-needed sunday nap. Fortunately (for my sanity) I successfully swatted the fly down and found much joy in the experience.

I heard a girl at church talking about how they were having a "fly problem" in their apartment. She happens to live right above me and i'm very curious just exactly why they have this "fly problem" and why it seems to have become my problem as well.

I've decided one of my least favorite sounds is the sound of a fly. I don't think i would mind them so much if it wasn't for their obnoxious noise! oh, and the feeling when one lands on you. gross. And, they are so evasive! seriously, my simple swatting was not going to work to bring down this fly. I did a little research about flies and this is what i found. maybe it will come in handy next time a fly tries to torment me. And hopefully you can use it too :)

"Flies have a very highly-evolved evasion reaction which helps to ensure their survival. It is possible to confuse a fly's evasion system by swatting it with two objects simultaneously from different directions. The holes in a fly swatter minimise the air current which warns the fly of being hit, whilst reducing air resistance and increasing speed of the swat. This evasion reaction can also be used against the fly. Clapping your hands several inches above the fly will cause it to try to escape, usually into your just closing hands. A successful method of removing flies from living spaces is to use a vacuum cleaner equipped with a long (1m/3 feet)straight tube at the end of a flexible hose. Airborne flies can be chased with the tube and will eventually be sucked into it. Standing flies can be approached slowly with the tube (1cm/half-an-inch per second) and often they will not fly away and will be sucked into it."

Sunday, July 6, 2008

the next best thing to a personal editor

with all the posting i've done recently i'm sure i've made many many grammatical and spelling errors. You'll have to forgive me. Elise was kind enough to point out one of them and in talking to her, she admitted that her husband finds and corrects most of her mistakes. And thus we decided....i need to get married. any takers?

a kiss that meant something

Some time ago I made a list of blogs I wanted to write. (dedicated readers should remember this list) Go figure, I never got around to writing any of them! But i was sitting at church today and was reminded of the experience that was tied to the title "a kiss that meant something" and i really wanted to write about it and share it before i forgot it.

About a month ago my adventures took me up north. well, north salt lake at least. I was at Layton Mall and decided to take the opportunity to visit my grandpa who lives in Ogden. You may remember the post about when i went up there last semester. Unfortunately life gets busy and i had not been up since. Jumping at the opportunity i stopped in to see my grandpa, who is currently in a rehab/hospice type place. He fell and hurt his legs and has since become stuck in his wheel chair. He has a form of Alzheimer's and it is worsening almost daily.

I walked in and instantly saw him sitting in his wheel chair playing with something or other on the wall. I walked up and put my hand on his shoulder "grandpa? Elmo? How are you?" He looks at me and i can tell he doesn't recognize me, but i ask him anyway. "do you know who i am?" his answer is a simple no. I start explaining that i'm his grand daughter, his son's daughter and i'm here to visit him. It still makes me tear up to remember how his eyes lit up. "you came to see me!?" he said in a tone that made my heart ache for him. He grabbed my hand and i reassured him that i was there to see him. Then he motioned me towards him and he gave me the sweetest kiss ever. a little background: my family has never been one of those families that is always kissing each other, it kinda weirds me out, but getting one from my grandpa was one of the most precious things ever. At that point i started crying and i don't think i stopped for the rest of the visit.

The visit itself wasn't that extraordinary. His memory isn't the best so i showed him the pictures we have in his room. reminding him who everyone was and mostly just kept him company. At one point he told me that he wished his wife (my grandma) could be there to see me. She still lives in their house in Ogden and so i told him i would go visit her as well. He kept saying it over and over again. I think really he just missed her. The sad thing is she goes to visit him everyday, but by the end of the day he can't remember that she did. Its really hard on both of them, i'm sure.

When it came time to leave he asked if i knew where i was going. i did. but he tried to insist on letting him come with me; he'd show me where my grandma lived. I could barely muster the words to tell him no. I'm not strong enough to get him in and out of my car from his wheel chair and he had to eat dinner. He wanted so badly to leave the care facility (as anyone would, i'm sure) and told me a few times that he wished he could work or do anything. In fact, at one point when i asked if he was having a good day he said "no, all i do is sit here." It really made me sad. but on top of that, it made me appreciate life and what i have and the healthy body that i have to do things with. I really am scared of getting old, it doesn't look like much fun.

My goal is to go visit him more often. I realize that he won't remember me, and that once i leave he'll forget i was ever there. but seeing how happy it made him for a moment was more than worth it. Maybe next time i'll drag someone along who could help him get in and out of my car and we can take him out and about for a day. I think that would be nice.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

24 and counting

As of my latest addition to my bloglist i have 24 friends (real people) who have blogs that i am subscribed to! I love it! It makes for good reading. I have a few additional things on my reader but 24 actual people... wow.. i was surprised. Its too bad only like 5 people read my blog. I guess I can be cool by association.

Actually realizing how many blogs I read made me start to wonder who reads my blog. I know of a handful of people who have subscribed. (9 in fact, google reader told me so) The ones who leave comments mostly. Then there are some other friends who i know will check it periodically. But what about the random people I wouldn't think of, or even complete strangers, who read it. Thats kind of creepy. I don't think i put anything on here that would be jeopardizing but it still makes me double think everything before I write it. I try to avoid talking about people, especially my relationships with people, as that could get out of control really fast. Can you imagine if I blogged about the latest date i went on? And then the guy happens upon my blog via facebook and then reads everything? that would be no good...

The truth is that I write in my blog almost purely selfishly. Mostly because I like to write and get things out. In a way it is like a journal. I should probably write more in my real journal and leave this blog for things that are actually interesting to other people, but oh well. The second selfish reason is because i like the attention. I love getting comments! This reason accounts for a lot less of why i write than the first one, but it is definitely an added perk. The third reason i write is to waste time. Like today for example... i'm stuck at work from 8 am til noon. The library is almost completely empty and i'm so bored. Not to mention tired. Plus, while i'm describing how i feel, i'll add in that i'm freezing! The temperature is on the cold side, plus i just sit here. Goosebumps usually fill my arms fast and although typing makes my fingers cold, at least it keeps my mind off of the fact that i'm slowly freezing to death.....

cognitive gymnastics

Sometimes I think my brain would win a gold medal in the Olympics if cognitive gymnastics were a sport.

I'm in a social psychology class where we are learning all about why people act the way they do. It's made me really analyze what i do. I'm just taking it for fun, and its turning out to be as interesting as i had hoped. Plus, i actually do all the reading before class! Can you even believe it? I NEVER read the text book. The funny thing is that i'm proud of myself for this fact, but the reality is that i have to read because we have to turn in a paper every class period based on the chapter reading. oh well, i can still feel good about myself!

on a slightly related note, i had a dream the other night that wasn't anything extra-ordinary but it made me think about my dreams and how unrealistic they usually are.

In my dream my friends and I were walking back towards my car. We were almost there when I realized that someone else was in my car, driving it away. They were stealing my car! Now here is where the cognitive jump comes in. Suddenly we were chasing the bad guys by foot and my first instinct was to get their license plate number. Now logically thinking, they would be driving my car (since they just stole it) and writing down my OWN license plate number wouldn't really help. But i guess i don't dream logically because suddenly they were in a different car, although we were still chasing them for stealing my car. Makes sense, right? I believe somewhere in their they shot at us and they eventually got away. I'm not sure whatever happened to my car in the dream. It just morphed I guess.

Although i rarely remember my dreams, i think they are more often than not cognitively incoherent like that. Interesting... very very interesting.

As a concluding note, I think one of my greatest fears is having a psychotic break one day. That would be so sad.

Ode to my brother/ 4th of July Festivities

I tried to look up the definition of an ode, and how to write one (high school english was far too long ago to remember) and this is the definition i found: "An ode is...blah blah blah... too hard to write at 8:30 in the morning... blah blah blah."

Taking their advice, this will be a pseudo-ode to my brother / story of my 4th of July festivities

Yesterday, the 4th of July, wasn't promising to be the most exciting 4th I've ever celebrated. All my roommates were either at work or otherwise occupied and I was having some difficulties finding something to do (and someone to do it with). Then, at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon my roommate tausha walked in the door. Long story short she was home from work early (7 hours early in fact). Not long after that I received a phone call from Tyler (my brother) and he was like "hey, so we decided to go to the carnival today and go bowling and have a BBQ and watch fireworks, wanna join us?" Of course tausha and I jumped at the prospect of something to do and agreed to join my brother for the bbq and fireworks. THANKS TYLER!

Now let me explain this bbq. It wasn't just any BBQ... it was delicious! Tyler and his friends Christian and Ky (sp?) got a BUNCH of meat for what they informed me would be a mexican bbq. We had Jarritos and Mango juice for drinks and then... fajita meat (my favorite), some sort of rib action and some chicken wings. All bbq-ed to perfection on our grill. YUM! He also made an excellent home-made salsa to top it all off.

After that we headed to Temple Hill to get ready for watching the firework show that was part of Stadium of Fire. We played some catch, walked around, and waited for time to pass. Now, a little background may be in order here. Growing up my family was never too huge on the 4th of July celebrations. We went to a rodeo once, but generally we just hung out our home and then meandered over to Oak Hills neighborhood for their firework display. Thinking that our normal activities were..well..."normal", I didn't have any thought that the fireworks last night would be anything less that what i was used to. Oh boy, was i wrong. It was really different! Oak Hills happens to put on an amazing show every year. I can't even describe it for people who have never been. It is just at a park in the middle of a neighborhood, but it is definitely a quality show. The fireworks as so close and so loud and there is music and its just a great atmosphere and everything. Now lets compare that with the ones i saw last night. Don't get me wrong, i'm sure they were really good for the people inside the Stadium of Fire. But from our view point they were too far away to impress me. Not loud and not engaging at all. We talked through most of them. They weren't horrible, and it was a fun night, but I missed Oak Hills.

After the show was over, we headed back to our car only to get stuck in traffic for the next hour! Now, if you know anything about provo you know that the apartments south of campus (where we live) are NOT far from the provo temple. But there was SO much traffic. Without going into the details lets just say that my brother isn't the most patient person in the world. Lets just say, we may or may not have been pulled over by a fireman.

It was lots of fun overall though, and I'm really grateful that my brother invited tausha and I to go with him and his friends. The fourth of July turned out to be fun after all!

I failed to take any pictures yesterday, but here is a pic from last year's 4th of July (at Oak Hills of course!)

Thursday, July 3, 2008

introducing the GIANT miniature horse!

yes... thats right. a giant miniature horse. better than your average circus act, thats for sure! Why is that my title you may ask? Well, thats what this blog promises to be! Actually its just going to be a list (because lets be honest, who doesn't like lists...) of random things i've been thinking about. which, like a giant mini horse is completely insignificant. enjoy! (p.s. tickets for this special show are only 10 dollars! we accept visa and mastercard. cash and personal checks. good food is also acceptable.)

1) My first point of great concern is my lack of social skills when it comes to guys. story: tonight tausha and i headed off to 7 peaks for a fun filled night at a multi ward activity. it was fun, it really was! Mike dunked me more times than i'd like to admit too. but i was surprised by the good fight i put up at times. anyway, i digress. at the end of the night tausha and i ran into two boys. we talked, we laughed, and finally we started to head to get our towels. They came upon theirs first and i said "well, see ya" and kept walking. I didn't think twice. Only in retrospect did i even realize that i should have stopped, talked more, and given them the chance to initiate something further. Now i'm not THAT upset, but it made me ponder long and hard about how i can be completely socially inept sometimes. oh well. if a guy wants me, he'll have to work for me!

2) My second point of great concern... (i wasn't aware that my list would be a list of concerns... but i'm not really surprised. haha) ... is how ridiculously "plugged in" i am. I was reading an article in the reader's digest a while ago about how to get a better nights sleep. One part that hit me hard was when their advice to "dump the 24/7 stuff and manage the electronics." I definitely think i could work on that! My mind is always full of "what-if's, why-did-we's and what's-on-the-agenda-tomorrow's" and i'm beginning to realize how much it probably drains my energy. I also have what Rockefeller University's Bruce McEwen, PhD, calls "a wholly artificial sense of urgency." I feel like i ALWAYS need to be on top of my e-mail. If it takes me longer than 10 hours to respond...i'm a failure. This creates an interesting/difficult situation because one of my roommates is constantly on my computer. I get home from school or work and want to check my e-mail (even if i checked it right before i left) and i can't. I can actually feel my body get anxious. Its quite pathetic and definitely something I need to manage better.

3) My third concern is that i am AWFULLY long winded when i write. Take, for example, this post. It was supposed to be a list of things. A realization and maybe a witty or interesting comment about each. 2-3 lines max. I have since written 2 paragraphs about my first two concerns. and... i have successfully made myself tired. which is good, seeing as it is midnight and i spent all evening playing. hopefully i fall right asleep! the last 3 nights its taken me a while... :(

in the words of my roommate "night y'all"

Saturday, June 28, 2008

thank you "word of the day"

mazy: resembling a maze; intricate or confusing.

i'd love it if someone used that in a sentence on an average day! haha

Things that made me happy today.....

1) Seeing the beautiful flowers outside the library. I love love LOVE the black-eyed daisy's. I took a picture of one and changed my background on my phone.

2) Talking to my brother David online. He said "when there are people in you life that take care of you and make it good you better not mess it up." He also said that he recently learned that money doesn't make you happy. But that he is happy and he loves life. I love my brother so much and love seeing him grow up and learn and experience things!

3) Catching up with a guy from my freshman ward who just got home from his mish. He came over to visit and long story short it was interesting to see him again and reminisce about freshman year. Freshman year was SOO fun!

4) Thinking about my married friends. Marriage makes me happy! I talked to brit today and she is so cute as a newlywed. Also Steve, maria's hubby, joined our club wrote "the girls of 219 + rebecca" a mass email. It was hilarious and it makes me happy knowing my friends are so happy in love.

5) Eating my frozen grapes. and watching my friends reactions as they ate them. Tausha makes funny faces :) Of course frozen grapes are going to be COLD, thats why you let them defrost a little before eating them or be prepared for frozen-ness in your mouth.

6) Painting my nails... again. I've become quite the girly-girl with my nails recently. They are french tipped today. and they look good! if i do say so myself. I tried to take a picture with my phone, but it wasn't working. bummer.

7) Making lists! the end

sure why not...

I played around with my blog some tonight. you've probably noticed the new background. I'm not sure if i love it yet, but its good enough for now.

Also, if you haven't noticed yet I added a playlist at the bottom. Its mostly "chill" music. Ya know, music i can fall asleep to or have on in the background at work. I'm in the process of creating a "non-chill" playlist to show my craaaazzzyyy side. haha. I'll let ya know when i get done with that.

Until then... peace!

Monday, June 23, 2008

tag.. you're it

Elise just tagged me. I've been tagged once before, but forgot about it until just now. Sorry to whoever tagged me.

10 Years Ago:
1998. I was an awkward 10 year old. I was deathly nervous about starting middle school seeing as EVERYONE i knew from elementary school was going to a different middle school. (silly school boundries). I spent my summer days at the pool playing with my friend Leah and Tia. We would also create spells and eat apple cider directly out of the packet.

5 Years Ago:
2003. The summer i turned 16. I spent my days hanging out with friends! i finally made it past most of my awkward stage. Cynthia and i were inseparable at that time. I think that was the summer we planned out a whole week long Disney daycare kids camp. It never happened though.

5 Months Ago:
Jan 23rd 2008. Thanks to google and my google calendar i have a detailed record of what i did that day. That semester i didnt have classes on wednesdays... very nice. It looks like i spent the whole day at work....sending out e-mails. Most certainly something to do with Advanced Writing. I also worked at the ref desk that night. What an exciting day.

5 Things on My To-Do List:
1. Read two chapters and write a paper for my English class
2. Buy two books from the bookstore
3. E-mail Kaitlyn
4. Create another playlist on (one thats more upbeat and "crazy")
5. Deliver some notes to people in our ward on behalf of my roommate who moved out

5 Snacks:
1. frozen grapes
2. the oreo's fruit snacks and snickers that my vt's brought over
3. the dozen doughnuts that i bought on saturday night
4. mini caramel rice cakes
5. water

5 Billionaire Things:
1. Take a humanitarian trip to africa
2. Buy a hybrid car. (thanks to elise for this idea... i definitely agree!)
3. Give enough to my parents that they could pay off all their debt
4. invest in myself... new clothes, make-up, haircut, reconstructive dental work and laser hair removal
5. invest in my future... grad school and savings for my future family

5 Places I have Lived:
1. Ogden, UT
2. Beaverton, OR
3. Portland, OR
4. Provo UT
5. Jacob Lake, AZ

5 Things You Might Not Know About Me:
1. I was born in the same hospital as both of my brothers AND my dad
2. When i was younger I wanted to grow up and be a ballerina
3. I thought about being in a few plays in high school but never did for fear they'd make me sing.
4. I have one stitch in my body, in my left eyebrow area from when i was like 2 years old
5. I used to hate pink. just ask my mom. now look in my closet and you'll KNOW i don't hate it

5 People I Tag:

Jess, Jessie, Al, Amanda, Amy

"first day of school, first day of school"

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.

A special shout out to Finding Nemo for both the title of today's blog and for the quote! good movie :)

So yeah, today was my first day of classes for Summer term. Pretty exciting. I had my english class which is going to be a beast. My teacher said "you just jumped onto a fast horse. get ready for a ride." We have a quiz every wednesday and a paper due every friday. But its my last GE and then i'm DONE! So that is a good feeling! Being enrolled full time in summer classes was cheaper than just taking one, so i am also taking a dance class! It meets everyday which is cool 'cause i'll get lots of practice. Hopefully more boys will join! (there are currently 5...haha) I also have a Social Psychology class that starts tomorrow. I'm not sure yet what to expect from that one. I'm just taking it for fun, so hopefully thats what it will be. I'm surprisingly excited to be in classes again! Its fun to learn and meet new people!

If this is the horse i get to ride...on the beach.. i'm okay with it! :)

On a completely unrelated note.... we had a surprise party for Al's birthday last night. It turned out awesome! We also got to call Jess cause it was her birthday too! Yay for friends with birthdays! Its a good excuse to party! Speaking of parties, we had a "party" a few weeks ago to celebrate Mike and Jess' one month anniversary of being married. And when i say "we" I mean Jessie, Al and I. Basically what i'm trying to say is any excuse to party is a good one. Although the birthday idea makes a little more sense. haha. It makes me feel young to realize all my friends are turning 21 and i'm still 20, but someday soon i'll be 21! just over a month in fact! YAY!

On a somewhat related note.... here is a shout out to a boy named Steve. Steve, i don't really know you but you rock my world! You see, Steve was at the party last night and he mentioned he was a mechanic. My ears perked up and we got to talking about my then-broken window. He offered to go out and look at it for me. I agreed... anxious at the idea he could fix it (and save me a hundred dollars). Long story short he took off my door and diagnosed my problem and helped me get my window rolled up. Poor kid was in his church clothes and was expecting a party, but instead he helped me. Bless his soul! He gets the best mechanic who is a complete stranger award!

On a note related to the first topic... my visiting teachers are the BEST! I really do like them and i'm so grateful for their love and kindness towards me! Last night they attempted to track me down, unfortunately i was at the party for al and didn't come home until late. I was slightly confused cause they had already come to "visit teach" me this month but knowing them i knew they had something else up their sleeves. So today, the doorbell rings and i go out to see Amy with a guitar and Mel with a laptop. They had written me a song about surviving summer classes at BYU. It was excellent! And they gave me a gift bag full of all the goodies i need to make it though. you know, the essentials. Oreos, snickers, fruit snacks. haha and pens, pencils, a cute folder and a notebook (with zac efron haha) AND a bag full of these yummy nuts that Amy made. Speaking of the nuts, the only reason i knew about them is cause they were on the salad that these same visiting teachers made for me a few weeks ago for dinner! Yes, i'm spoiled. hehe. They love me!

On another completely unrelated note.... I've heard that the "accepted" age gap for dating is to divide your age in half and add 7. That means i can't date anyone younger than 17. HA! that seems so young. But reversely it means that the oldest i go could would be 26/27 and soon 28. What are your thoughts on this idea? I'm having a hard time accepting that it even might be possibly, kind of, almost, sort of okay. I know there is a WHOLE lot more than age to consider, but I'm getting hung up on that detail so i need you guys thoughts.

okay, i think thats enough for now. love you all!!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

what happens in vegas, stays in vegas

but what happens in provo doesn't have to stay in provo. And since I was in provo today i can tell you ALL about what i did! hahah. no.. i do not have anything better to do. but thanks for asking yourself that ;-)

First and foremost i slept in! that was great. I slept all the way until 10:30! Then I spent the most part of the day chillin and the apt. Spent some time at the pool (i have some pretty good tan lines to prove it!) sucessfully picked off most of my manicure (swimming started the chipping) and of course, blogged. Then i retreated back to my bed for a nap. A couple hours later i woke up and decided i should go grocery shopping. It had been over a month! I got talking to a friend online however who de-railed my plans. She convinced me to go to a stake activity instead and i'm glad i went. I didn't do much, but it felt good to get out of the house and the night was beautiful! We dug up some grass for a service project then spent the rest of the night at the pool. I didn't wear my swimming suit so i stayed dry with Amy and we listened to the karaoke. good times :) After the festivities i headed to the grocery store. On my way two guys in the car next to me struck up conversation at the stop light. They asked where i was from...oregon.. and then asked if i was a pot head. haha. I said no, and they said, yea you didn't really look like one. thats a good thing! I guess one perk of having a broken window is that new opportunities to talk to people... oh great. haha.

While participating in the service activity i realized that i've been spoiled as a child. I've never really done yard work. I've never ever used a lawn mower, i've never raked leafs, i've rarely pulled weeds, and i don't even know what other things most kids have to do that i did not. Now don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining, just reflecting. I think the reason for this anomaly is that we lived in an apartment for most of my childhood. Thus, we didn't have to do our own yard work. Now that we live in a house, our yard work just doesn't really get done. hah, its kinda sad really. My dad owns his own landscaping business and when he gets home from work the LAST thing he wants to do is worry about our lawn. I know, i should have helped out and got it done for him, but he is also very particular about how to do it and i didn't want to mess it up or anything. Its too late now anyway. In thinking about it, however, i've realized that despite my lack of prior experience i DO plan on keeping up with the yard work when i get my own home. I think the front yard of a house can make or break it. It makes me excited to think about living in my own little home with flowers in the front yard and a garden in back! Some day i'll have it and then i can blog and post pictures! be excited! haha. until then i'll just have to master being able to keep my bedroom clean. another skill i didn't master as a child... whoops.

Breakdown here

"I'd sure hate to break down here
Nothin up ahead or in the rearview mirror
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin
So God help me keep me movin somehow"

Despite all the troubles my car has been giving me lately, it has NOT yet broken down in the middle of nowhere, and for that i am so grateful. Unfortunately, sometimes i'm not as strong as my car and i had a breakdown in the middle of the night last night.

I've spent the last week getting things straightened out with my car. One of my BFF's got married a few weeks ago and i promised her i'd come to her 2nd reception in vegas. I went to the one in oregon but was looking forward for an excuse to spend some time in vegas and knew she'd appreciate a familiar face at the reception in her husbands hometown. The moment i promised this (months ago) i began to worry. My car, although its in GREAT shape for being so old and having so many miles, isn't the most fun to drive and is old enough that it scared me to think about driving it for 5 hours in the heat of the summer into vegas. Not willing to give up that easy i talked to friends and roommates and tried to arrange another way down there. Car pool anyone? Things kept falling through with that and the closer it got, the more it looked like i was going to be driving.

I convinced myself it would be alright but gave in to the idea that i needed new tires and brakes before i would go. So last week i took my car to Les Schwab to get new tires and brakes. It was then that they informed me i also needed a new drive axel. Now, lets be honest.. i don't know much about cars but i know that safety is important to me. And the idea that i would be driving for a while was great motivation to get everything done as they recommended. The pathetic part, looking back on it, is that i spent about as much money to fix the car as i did to buy it in the first place. (rolls eyes) After that was all done and paid for i decided to look at the weather report. 108* in vegas today! holy cow. A little bit of background on my car.. the cold-hot lever has been stuck in the middle for as long as i've had the car. I decided to take it into the mechanic and see what it would cost to take care of that. Long story short i gave in to the idea of paying almost 400 dollars to get that fixed only to show up the next day and find out the part didn't come in. They were able to get the cold air to work, but broke the dial even more in the process. The result: i got cold air and didn't have to pay 400 dollars (only 100) but now its more broken than before. I haven't yet decided if its worth it to go back in and get them to actually fix it or not.

After leaving the Nissan Dealership is was feeling pretty good. I had an hour until a date and 12 hours until i would be waking up to leave to go to Vegas (the plan was to hit the road at 6am). I rushed home, got ready for my date and let my brother borrow my car for the night making him promise to be careful. Almost 5 hours later i got home from my date (he was kind enough to understand i needed to be in bed early so i could drive the next morning) and started paniking. There were so many things i didn't have ready for the trip. I hadn't finished packing or talked to my co-workers roommate (who was going to drive down with me) and my car was still MIA. I got ready for bed and finished things up as fast as I could, but i didn't make it to bed until close to midnight. After laying in bed for a little while i got a call from my brother. He had the car back, but needed to "show me something". I roll out of bed and go find him, worried about what happened. He informs me that he went to roll down the window and it fell off the tracks and is now stuck down. As he was telling me this i willed myself not to break down. Not yet. We spent the next hour trying to fix it, but to no avail. I went inside, thanking him for his help and accepting the fact that it wasn't his fault it broke. just really bad luck.

Thats when i broke. I went through all the options. Plastic or fabric or something? no. waiting until later in the day after i had a chance to take my car someplace to be fixed and then driving down? no, I was only going to be in vegas for a day and waiting longer to go would not be worth it and it would be SO hot if we left later. driving to st gorge and hoping i could find a place there to fix it? no i couldn't even fathom the idea of driving high speeds with the wind in my face. plus it would suck up gas like no other. and i JUST got my ac fixed! Stay home and not go? no, i had a friend expecting me, and a girl counting on me for a ride and i just put in lots of money and time and effort and stress to get my car working in tip top shape. There was no easy answer.

Luckily soon after coming in my roommate came home and listened to me sob and helped me think logically. I decided that i just wasn't supposed to go to vegas. This broke my heart. But by this time it was close to 2 am and there was no way i could drive after only getting 3 hours of sleep anyway. so the decision was made and the ruling was final. I called the girl and informed her she could sleep in (i felt so bad) and then made it to bed finally at 3 am.

looking back i'm glad i made the decision i did. I struggled with it, but i feel like it was the smart move. I've had a few more minor "break-downs" since then. Like when i had to call brit and tell her i wasnt coming. But everyone has been so understanding and supportive. I love my support group! (even if knowing you care makes me want to cry more sometimes.. haha) So now i just have to figure out where to go to get it fixed and trust that it was the right decision. I'm really hoping i will turn on the news just to find out that there was a major disaster somewhere in vegas and not going on the trip saved my life. I doubt it. but it would be a nice comfort.

So instead of spending the day in vegas... i spent most of the morning sleeping and then went to the pool and now i'm wasting time and relaxing. It feels good. I start classes on monday and so i'm grateful for the time i've had today to get things ready.

And someday i'll marry a mechanic who can fix my car for me and hold me when i break-down and be strong for me so i don't have to be so strong always. Until then... I'm getting pretty good at this "being a grown-up" things. :)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

quote unquote

I have added two new quotes to my facebook page recently.

1.) "When Dealing With People, Remember You Are Not Dealing With Creatures Of Logic, But Creatures Of Emotion"

I read this one today and it hit a cord in me. I tend to consider myself a pretty logical person. But the truth is that behind all the logic i really am a creature of emotion. I can "realize" why things are happening they way they are but in the moment all that knowledge is shot and i'm reduced to my emotions. More over, a lack of sleep or eating tend to decrease my ability to be logical.

2.) "There is a little bit of truth behind every just kidding; a little bit of curiosity behind every just wondering; a little bit of knowledge behind every I don’t know; and a little bit of emotion behind every I don’t care."

This one i just think is sooo true. Just something to think about next time someone says "i don't care" and or next time you find yourself saying you are "kidding". People are insecure and may hid behind phrases like these. Especially if they are being emotional rather than logical.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

its a bird... its a plane... nope its a blog!

Research has shown that there are two things that are significant in how successfully someone can learn something. be it in a class at school, at church or just a life lesson from our everyday experience. These two things are 1) a desire to learn and 2) an opportunity to reflect on the experience. I think the second one is HUGE! I was so thrilled to hear that research supports my love of blogging. I like to blog about what i think and what happens to me... and now i know that is beneficial for my learning! and heck, i'm all about learning those life lessons God has sent me here to learn.

That being said, I've been generating quite a few blogs over the last week or so. Unfortunately I haven't had the chance to write them out as soon as i thought about them. And now I'm worried they will be less interesting. Since time has passed and I'm not as enthusiastic about it all, ya know? But... I still want to reflect and write about them all! And so i will. go ahead... call me crazy. Anyway, i digress.

In attempt to motivate me to write without risking a loss of enthusiasm i have created a game. And here is where you, my dear readers, can help. All you need to do is tell me which "blogs" i should take from the mental form to the written form and hopefully finally to the published form. Here are few of topics floating around in my head....

a kiss that actually meant something
i'm more than just a pretty face
Thoughts on traveling alone
the circle of life
there is no such thing as a free meal
a little rough around the edges
pics from brits wedding
head to head: youth summit vs efy
weddings = bad luck
hot-air balloons, parachutes and sunsets
ornery vs cranky

thats a good list to start off with! yes, i know some of them are vague, thats what keeps it interesting! please vote on which ones you'd like me to blog about first. remember... its a game! it will be fun! haha.


do you need a personal invitation?

Growing up my mom would usually call us for dinner "kids, dinners ready" and then wait and wait and wait for all of us to show up. Since there are only three of us, it shouldn't have taken terribly long (especially since we all like food) but some nights we were slower than slow. It was at that point that she would say "Kirsten (or david or tyler) do you need a personal invitation to dinner?" And then we would grudgingly leave whatever we were doing that was so important and join the rest of the fam.
I haven't thought about this exchange in years! but today at church we were discussing different ways in which we can help personalize our church to individual members. One of the members of the bishopric said something that i thought was really wise. He said that often times we make lots of announcements to the ward or relief society and thats great, but sometimes there are people who need a personal invitation. Its so true! I've realized lately that i've fallen into that crowd and i've shyed away from participating is some things simply because i never got a personal invitation (or two or three). I don't like that I'm needy like that, but i am. (at least for the time being) and this attitude transfers over to other aspects of my life as well. I'm so passive at times that i don't want to impose on anyone unless i am CERTAIN that they want me to.

Just an interesting observation i made at church today.

but hey, guess what?! i will blog more soon! hopefully today! be excited!


Thursday, June 5, 2008

how to please the computer gods

So, i work a lot with computers and i've become pretty good at fixing them. And by "good at fixing them" i mean.... i've learned that for most computers in the library a simple reboot will cure most problems. Unfortunately the computer at my home isn't quite as nice. and by "quite as nice" i mean.... it is from the stone age and works slower than slow. My parents, bless their hearts, aren't really in to the whole "Technology-age" and so it doesn't really bother them. My mom spends her day at work on a computer and apparently gets her fix that way. My father is slowly learning but lets just say that with a slow computer his learning speed is also very very slow. That being said, i guess it shouldn't really have surprised me to learn that the computer wasn't connecting to the internet and had become more of a decoration than a useful tool. Upon further inquiry i learned that no one knew exactly what was wrong with it AND no one seemed to care. Now, the sad commentary on my life is that i was going crazy without it. I didn't know what to do in my free time and felt disconnected from my "real life" you know, the life that lives inside the computer. I couldn't live without it....something had to be done! I decided to try my hand at fixing the computer. I played around with it for a little while but to no avail. Finally i decided... what if i just reboot it. This is when the fun began.

While i was waiting for it to reboot i resorted to wasting time on my brothers laptop. And although his laptop couldn't connect to the internet, it did have the classic solitaire games to entertain me. As the desktop was rebooting it decided it needed to run some sort of diagnostic test.... a "simple" test that took about half an hour to complete. It was during this time that i convinced myself that my ability to succeed at the solitaire games was directly correlated to the speed and success at which the computer would function. And so i started... i beat a game of normal solitaire, and then a game of spider solitaire and then finally a game of free cell. Now, i kid you not. The exact moment i finished my game of free cell i looked up and saw, much to my astonishment, the desktop computer with a connected internet page! It had just finished loading and was ready for me! Of course, it still runs slower than slow but at least i got it connected. So, let the lesson be learned that in order to please the computer gods you just have to show them you are smart enough to beat their games. it works. for reals. (either that or God was just blessing me with games to occupy my time and attention while i had to wait for the computer... either, or.)

unfortunately all of that didn't teach me much patience .... for as i soon became frustrated with trying to do anything that involved waiting for pages to load. oh well.. you can't win every battle.

Its now after midnight portland time which makes it way past my bedtime in utah.
time. for. bed.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

feels like home....

I'm in Portland! yay! I love the feeling of coming home and being back here. Its the little things, like showering in my own bathroom, that make it feel like the good ole days. Its funny how i left to go to college three years ago with the intention of finding myself and now i realize, that although i have grown a lot and found out a lot about myself, that i really am the same person i have always been. Its easy to get lost at BYU and become an incomplete version of myself so it's nice to come back home and reconnect with myself. I think i mentioned in a previous blog that when it rained in utah i could breath again. Thats exactly how i feel here in portland. The weather is overcast and there is the familiar scent of moisture in the air and i can breath, both literally and figuratively. its great! Everyone should move to oregon! wait. no. that could be bad. but everyone should at least experience the great northwest in all its beauty!! random thought... did you know that the church once bought land in oregon with the intentions to build a school? They ended up building a temple instead (which is beautiful!!!) but just think of how different life would be if BYU was in oregon? I'm not sure i'd like that so much, come to think of it. but ya never know.

So, I'm beginning to realize how busy i'll be these next few days. Brittany's wedding is on saturday and i've offered to help with as much as i can before then. We went shopping today for a gift for rob and some last minute accessories for the bridesmaids (that's me!). Brittany is so done making decisions that i'm glad i can be there to at least help her talk through things. Then tonight my family wants to go see the new Emma movie, i'm not too interested in it, but they are excited that a churchy movie has come to "the big screens" in portland. Then tomorrow i get to go shopping with one of the other bridesmaids, then help get things set up for the reception (brit says we are tying ribbons on chairs... sounds fun!) and visit with one of my friends from here who just had a baby! Friday we get our nails done, then i'm babysitting for all the lil chillins' while brit goes to the temple (i'm bringing my brother along so i don't have to do anything that might ruin my nails... like changing dirty diapers! haha) then we have a dinner for the wedding party and we'll end the night with the awesome bachelorette party that we are throwing. Saturday is of course the at the temple, a light lunch, more pictures, dinner/dancing and the sort. Brittany says she has a whole list of things that we, the bridesmaids, are to be doing at the dinner/dance so that will be fun. I'm just so excited!!! ya for weddings. i love love.

So i'm at the public library because our internet isn't working at my home. Its kinda frustrating, but what can ya do. I have much more i want to say. thoughts on traveling, aging, horoscopes, ice cream, characteristics, hot air balloons etc. Basically anything and everything that went through my head the last day. hopefully i'll find some time to get all those thoughts down. I'll post pics of the festivities, but that may have to wait until i'm back in provo. Until then, this will have to do.

to all my provo friends... don't miss me too much!
much love!

Monday, June 2, 2008

my exploits as of late

exploit: An act or deed, especially a brilliant or heroic one

Well, i'm far from heroic, but I AM brilliant! so it works, right!?

My first brilliant act from this last week has been the creation of a new tutorial for the library. Not only did i outline the idea, write out the script and create the visuals (using really amazing pictures that my coworker drew). I'm also one of the voices and the director and the editor of the videos. Yeah, i'd say i'm leaving a pretty good mark at the library. Its been crazy trying to meet all the deadlines, but i think we are doing excellent!

After spending all day friday recording i needed a break! Rebecca and I went to see Vantage Point at the dollar theater. It was good and engaging enough to keep my mind off of life for long enough to enjoy the movie. I bought a bag full of jelly belly's to enjoy during the movie and enjoy them i did! I'm a sucker for those things where you can choose your own flavors and fill up the bag! Unfortunately i ate far too many (especially after not eating much for dinner).

Saturday I was pleasantly surprised to get a call from my brother inviting me to come play fugitive with him. Having only played fugitive once in my life, i was apprehensive about the whole thing and worried i wouldn't have fun. but..i did! And the what fun would night games be if we didn't get "a talkin' to" by the cops. We didn't get in trouble, but we did get the attention of two cop cars. pretty cool, eh?

Sunday started off rough but ended on a good note. After sleeping for...well...all day, I went over to my old stomping grounds in sparks and par-tayed it up with Al and Jessie. That night away was exactly what I needed and lifted my spirits alot. yay for awesome friends!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

focusing on the sunshine

I got home from church, and true to my addition, i had to check my e-mail, google reader and facebook. I received no new e-mails, which is actually a good thing because the only e-mails i receive are usually related to work and today is my day off. There was one new blog that i read, thanks al for entertaining me. And one interesting update on face book. I noticed that one of my friends updated his status to say he "is working on himself." I stopped to think about this status for a minute and realized that we should be working on ourself always. So here i am, ready to work on myself by reflecting on what i (re)learned at church today.

I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head the last few days. And before church i was thinking about how annoying (yeah, thats a good word) it is that my thoughts/feelings could change so dramatically so often. I could be perfectly content one moment just to find myself on the verge of tears the next. In sacrament meeting there was a strong focus on realizing and recognizing all of blessings, even in times of pain and heartache. This helped, but it wasn't until i was sitting in relief society that i realized that although my thoughts had been all over the place, they did share one thing in common. They were all overwhelmingly negative. (okay, not all, but for the most part) I had been focusing on the negative and letting my mind wander deeper and deeper inside this pit of negativity. Despite the encouragement of everyone who i talked to, i was subconsciously refusing to embrace the positive for what it was. I think this attitude played a large part in why our relief society lesson was so meaningful to me today. In addition, i have been thinking a lot lately about how i need to be less sarcastic and focus more on recognizing the good in others and actually pointing what i notice out. The lesson seemed to be perfect for me.

The presidency lesson was focused on the monumental talk that Elder Holland gave (a year ago i believe) entitled "The Tongue of Angels." Here are the goals I made ( hopefully writing them down will motivate me to work more on them)

1) Decrease negative thoughts- i tend to make lists in my head, and lists full of negative things are harmful to say the least.
2) Talk more highly about myself- when i'm insecure about something, i'll joke about it. and so it follows that i would joke about myself at times. unfortunately even jokes can be harmful.

These first two relate together perfectly for one of my favorite quotes from this talk "We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable." I want to search out the sunshine, the roses and the hope and happiness that God has promised me.

3) Decrease sarcastic/bitting comments- again, even though they are jokes most of the time does not mean they are okay.
4) Pray to know what to say instead of the sarcastic bitting remarks- i need to work on this especially at times when i am upset
5) Practice nurturing others (so that i can nurture my future children)- positive words can lift someone up in a world where everything else in trying to tear them down.

These last three relate back to Elder Holland's counsel that we should help others "escape our culture's obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are 'enough.'" I want to help others and myself escape this obsession because it really is detrimental.

I'm excited for this chance i've been given to start anew and work on these goals. And I'm excited to see what God will make of me if i let him

Saturday, May 24, 2008

A wedding a day in may

"a wedding a day in may" That may sound to you like the title of some new series on TLC or HGTV or something. but to me it just sounds like my life. Okay, i haven't been to a wedding everyday this month, but i HAVE been to quite a few. Between my friends and eric's friends we've been to quite a few receptions lately. Two just today in fact and one every previous weekend. Its interesting to see how different they all are. If i was smart, i would be making notes (of the none-mental variety so i could actually remember them) of all the things i like from each one. It would make it a lot easier for... ten years from now... when i get married. simple things like; dancing, music, food, table clothes, cake, cutting the cake, formal vs relaxed, etc etc. Unfortunately i have not and thus i will be stuck planning from a blank slate should the need ever arise.

Speaking of weddings... i leave in 10 days to go to Oregon for brittany's wedding! I never thought june would get here (although i'm sure brittany's wait has felt much longer). It will be nice to be at home for some time. catch up with the parentals and my lil' bro, etc. also it will be the start of a 2 week "vacation" from work. I won't come back to utah until the next monday morning. And then, I'm not sure how this is going to work yet, but on that Tuesday i am volunteering as a mentor for the Utah Youth Leadership Summit. I'm so excited for that! I decided that, among other things, one thing thats been missing in my life lately is service/volunteering. Last fall i volunteered at the state hospital and it added so much to my quality of life. When winter semester got busy i just stopped and never found anything to replace it. So hopefully that will help me find balance again. So yeah, that will be at the University of Utah and will last 3 days. I'll finally get back to provo (and work) on friday. I'll probably have SOO much stuff to catch up on at work...i'm already dreading it.

After i get back, i'll have a week in utah and then i'm planning on going to Vegas for the weekend. (those details are still to be ironed out... and i'm kinda worried because i was planning on driving, but i don't know if my car will make it). Brittany is having her vegas reception on the 20th and i really want to be there for that. Then i come back and start Summer classes on monday. I have yet to talk to my bosses about my work load for the summer term, but its very possible that i'll be working 40 hours in the library on top of going to school full time. yikes. I'll do a month and a half of that fun schedule until summers over. OH.... THEN IT GETS GOOD! next fall i'll start my internship. I'm not sure where its going to be yet, but i'm SOOO excited. I tried to get the one at the hospital but i hear that one is usually only for MSW internships, so we'll see. I'll also be back in classes learning interesting things and thinking deep thoughts. The internship will consume the next 2 semesters until i graduate! Thats right ladies and gentlemen, in less than i year i will be graduated with a real degree and then.. well...then i have to grow up and live in the real world. (shudders) man thats a scary thought. But i just got SO excited for the future and all the fun i will be having in the next 10 months. There are some other things that i would like to have happen, but for now I've covered the big/important things. Oh, and i'll turn 21! that is definitely an important event.

Alright friends, with all the traveling i will be doing and all the rest of the free time i will have this next month i want suggestions for books i should read. good books. books that will make me think but not cause me great difficulties reading them. books that will open my eyes without totally corrupting my innocence. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for (maybe a good church book or real-life novel) All i know is that my brain needs the stimulation and i miss learning and thinking and wondering about life. so if you have any suggestions, send them my way!

much loves to you all!!

p.s. i know i haven't posted many pictures lately, and it may be boring, but hopefully you can forgive me. I'll think of something interesting to post about soon and base it off a picture.

Monday, May 19, 2008

you don't need disneyland when your life is a roller coaster

confession: I've never actually been on a real roller coaster (well, thats a lie, i went on one inside the mall of america... but...yeah. it was inside a mall). sad. i know. but let me tell you that i sure do experience enough roller coasters with my emotions to be fully satisfied. seriously. I can't even count the number of times that my emotions went up. and down. and back up. only to go back down again tonight. and all of this since getting home from work at 7 oclock. it is literally driving me crazy! I'm hoping i can get out a few thoughts before trying to go to sleep. I don't like laying in bed upset because it just brews and builds and although life looks better in the morning, it can get pretty dreary looking late at night.

Why am i in a crummy mood? I don't even know. which, in fact, is even more frustrating. I mean, i can pin point little things that contribute to my mood, but nothing major enough. It just makes me feel stupid. I'm not even PMS-ing! Although i wish i was, because that would be a good excuse. Here are a few of the things that i've let get into my head.

1....the false idea that if someone doesn't tell you something its because they don't like/don't trust you. My freshman year i recognized that one thing that is important to me/validates me is that people are willing to disclose themselves to me. I like when people trust me. it makes me feel good. and naturally, the opposite makes me feel horrible.

2...that i've lost 20 years worth of experiences with my older brother. I regret not being as close to him as i should have and i don't know how to change it. Tonight i especially felt guilty for not writing him more while he was on his mission. David will leave soon and i'm scared that i will do the same. i don't want to, but i'm afraid that my human nature will get the best of me. why am i such a wimp?

3.... eric and i were looking at some things regarding EFY and i started to feel really really jealous that i never went. It seriously looks like so much fun and i missed out on it. I also resent that it is yet another thing that i can't relate to. Eric will spend all summer being a counselor and all i can do is wish that i knew what he was experiencing and try to understand.

4.... the first thing that rubbed me the wrong way tonight (ironic that i choose to mention it last) relates to the fact that i am "the time nazi". (Elise, do you still have that drawing? you should scan it and post it). We were leaving for FHE and we were like.. 10 minutes late and i go so frustrated (sorry tausha and kait). sometimes i just need to take a chill pill.

Well, the good news is that i do feel better. There is still a pain inside of me that i can't pinpoint, its the one that makes me feel like i want to cry. hopefully it will be gone when i wake up, but i fear it won't.

ugh.. i have another thing. 5) it frustrates me that all my blogs are so negative because i only write when i need the release. it makes me sound like such a...a...girl. and ugh, i feel like i should be above that.

goal: next blog will be happier.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Greetings again. Its been a while, hasn't it? I'm at work at the ref desk again and decided I should take some time to write in my blog. 1) because its better than cataloging music scores and 2) because I'm sure you (my beloved fan base) have been anxiously awaiting another post and 3) because i miss writing. I'm actually quite disappointed in myself for the lack of writing so far this summer. I had grand ideas about how much I would blog and how fun it would be and how therapeutic it would be for me. I also had great expectations about how much fun summer would be in provo. How much free time i would have since I'm not in classes and how many fun things i could do outside. Now i know that the summer has just started, but I'm feeling let down. I rarely have free time, and when i do, i'm too exhausted to do much. and i have yet to play outside. Maybe my expectations were too high, maybe I'm just not motivated enough to reach them. Whatever the reason, things aren't working out as planned. and in my book, that is the worst feeling ever. Now i want to make it clear that just because they aren't working out as planned, does NOT mean they are not working out. Because they are! I really don't have much to complain about. I'm working 40 hours a week and although its tiring, i still like my job (most days). and thats a blessing in and of itself. I've just decided that i don't do well with unreached expectations. And if you know me well enough to read my blog, you probably know me well enough to know that I plan... A LOT. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to realize that I'm inevitably leading myself to disappointment.

Speaking of disappointment, I disappointed myself big time today. Here is the story:

Once upon a time there was a girl, we will call her Kirsten, and she was walking up to campus to go to work. On her way she saw many great and wondrous things. This story is about one such thing. You see, she passed by a boy and a girl riding on a bike; a tandem bike. and they looked so happy. The guy was singing "oh i wish i were an Oscar Meyer wiener" and the girl said hi to Kirsten as she walked by. They looked so happy. Well, as one might expect that catchy song instantly got stuck in Kirsten's head. It took a few minutes for her to even notice that she was singing it...over and over again. but it was when she noticed that the disappointment set in. Now you may be asking yourself, "why is that disappointing??" Well, let me tell you why. Because when Kirsten noticed the song, she also noticed that she was NOT smiling, nor was she happy. In fact, she feel like a grump. And this, my dear friends, was most distressing to Kirsten, who usually considers herself to be fairly optimistic in nature and a generally happy girl. She didn't like that she wasn't happy, even after having such a pleasant run in with that couple on the bike. So she continued walking, trying to will herself to be happy. It wasn't really working, and in fact it was making her more and more upset. She was contemplating this new discovery and realizing how often she has been "grumpy" lately. Some may have noticed, other may have not. But Kirsten has definitely noticed. And for this, she would like to apologize to all her friends and hopes that she can turn a new leaf soon and return to being the person she wants to be.

Great story, eh? Well, i happen to think it was. haha jk. But it does remind me of a Native American story. A story about how we all have two beasts inside of us, and the one that lives is the one that we fed. Starting today, i am going to focus on feeding my happy beast. (happy beast.. haha.. i'm not sure beast is exactly the right word.. but oh well)

Well, writing that story in third person was fun and it makes it easier to talk about yourself when you can separate yourself from... well.. yourself. I discovered this last weekend when i was in California. you see, my friends and i were siting around a table trying to entertain ourselves at our good friend's wedding dinner. Somehow (heaven only knows how) we started talking in third person. I'm sure you can imagine the rest and YES it was as obnoxious as it sounds.. but it was oh so much fun!

Speaking of things i learned in California... I realized something on that trip about myself. And so, of course, i shall now share that with you. I realized that i need CONSTANT signs that i am on the right path. This was especially evident while navigating around southern California's many freeways. I was always looking for the sign that would let me know that we were still on the right road. I know this seems a little strange. I mean, many times we would have gone straight for a while, no turns, no off ramps, and yet i was still worried that somehow we had gotten on a wrong road. And thats exactly what i find myself doing with my life. I need constant reminders that i am doing the right thing. Unfortunately life doesn't exactly work that way. Or at least it doesn't for me. Heavenly Father is always making me step into the darkness a little bit before he shows me where I'm going. This is a lesson that I've learned again and again, and still it always surprises me. Maybe one of these days i can finally learn that lesson and "graduate" on to something else.

so it is now 6:30 and i've been at work for over 2 hours. Slowly writing in my blog while answering all the random questions i get. I'm feeling better, happier at least, and I'm glad i have a job where i get to help people. it makes me feel so good to know that i can help them do something. After all, who doesn't like to feel needed?