I'm waiting for a cake to bake ....

... and what else is there to do except write in my blog. The problem is that i have a lot on my mind right now so there are a few ways this blog could go. 1) it could not go anywhere. my mind could suddenly decide to stop working and i'll be up a stream without a paddle.... forced to abandon the blog. 2) it could get really long and boring and disorganized and not make any sense. I'll try to avoid that for the sake of all my readers (shout out to my 4.45 dedicated readers! you guys rock!) 3) this blog could... by some miracle... be good times for all involved. i'm aiming for that one, but we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

With the risk of jumping in above my head, i would like to take a few moments and discuss relationships. These thoughts were a result of dinner conversation that i had with my brother (tyler) and his friend. For those of you who know me, and know of my brother (i doubt many of you actually know him) that last sentence may have surprised you. I actually had dinner with my brother... shocking, i know. He had some stuff to return to me and then shamelessly asked for some "comida." I agreed because lets face it, i never see my brother and this was a good excuse. Chelsea and i set off right away to make dinner and it was YUMMY! (if i do say so myself). So i find out that Tyler is currently in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend. From there, most of the conversation revolved around finding him a new girl. Both tyler and his friend are good looking guys. they are the "cool" type and i've always felt like they are too cool for me. And i know looks aren't everything, but it was really surprising to hear them talk about how none of their relationships work out. Christian even said he got turned down 8 times in a row. i couldn't believe it. I guess this whole dating this is hard for everyone. whoda thunk it? I seriously feel like either one of them could get just about any girl they wanted. But i didn't have any good advice for how to go about getting those girls. All i know is that their current method of honking at girls on the side of the street is NOT a good technique. So we got to talking about setting them up. And I realized that I don't know many single females and the ones i do know "aren't his type." or at least i dont think so. Now this statement really concerned my brother. what did i mean they weren't his type? or more specifically that he wasn't their type?!? I couldn't explain it because i don't really know the answer. I mean, we all have preference, but do we have "types"? if i do..i don't know what it is. anyone know what my type is? Finally we since we were talking about breaking up i got to thinking... is there ever a way to make it go perfect? I mean, is it inevitable that there will be hurt? and why? Even when its the right thing, people still get hurt. emotions suck.

well, the cake is done and i don't have much desire to continue type. actually, i do. but things aren't coming out as i would want and this whole relationship topic but a damper on my mood. So i'm going to give up and go frost the cake instead. Its Party Chip! yum! yay for friends who have birthdays!

a little bit of self exploration

So I had a little panic attack this afternoon. I got really tense, ornery and cranky very suddenly for no particular reason. It both concerned and bothered me and I want to figure out the cause. So i decided that the best way to do so was to "talk it out" in my blog.

We'll start with a review of my day.... You see, today was a reading day so I planned out my day and felt good about it all. Then i wake up, check my e-mail and realize that my boss needed me to come into the office for her sometime today. Normally, not a problem but i had to be back home by 12 and it was already 9:30. I rushed getting ready, skipped showering and eating breakfast and hurried up to campus. She needed me to take some "non copyrighted" pictures so i spent the next hour walking around campus, trying to be creative. the good news is that she said they were perfect (go me!). I finished that project just in time to come home and make brownies for maria's bridal shower party. Unfortunately the kitchen was a disaster zone so i spent the next hour doing dishes while chelsea (thanks chels!) made the brownies. Next was the bridal shower...lots of fun! but before i knew it, it was almost 3 and i hadn't accomplished even one thing that i had planned to do today. That's when the panic started. I checked my e-mail and found one from an old friend so i read that... only to find that it dealt with some issues that i didn't really want to be thinking about at the time. Then i received a text from a friend who wanted to set up a group study time some time soon. So i set off to try and coordinate 4 peoples schedules and find a time that would work. at the same time, i was talking online to a co-worker and thinking about a potential problem arising regarding our work party tomorrow. that reminded me that i still needed to go to the grocery store which i had completely forgotten about. At the same time (yes, i usually multi task) i was talking to a friend about planning another party and realized i needed to go shopping for that. There is also a lunch i am trying to plan with a group of friends, but they aren't being cooperative. I was also thinking about boys and the complications that they bring and the fact that i still have concerns about relationships that stem back to how things went with ryan. At the same time my mom called to say that she had looked over a scholarship essay that i sent her and had "many" corrections for me. The essay deadline is quickly approaching and i really need to get it done so that i can eat next year. On top of all of that my friend told me that there is a "secret surprise" that i can't know about until tomorrow. I don't like not knowing things, so that didn't go over well. I'm not sure, but i think that is enough to make anyone stress out. or maybe its just me who couldn't handle it. :-\

The most frustrating part was the fact that i reacted so negatively. I'm usually pretty good at handling stress (if i do say so myself). So i don't know what happened!! all i know is that there are a few things i learned/relearned/realized about myself....

1. i like structure. thats why i schedule my days with such detail
2. i don't like when things don't go as planned.
   
3. i like knowing whats going on... it makes me feel important and i'm needy like that
4. i don't like texting about plans. it takes to long to get answers
5. i like making lists because they help me stay organized but if i forget something, its bad news
   
6. i don't like how emotionally polar i can be sometimes
7. i like writing blogs
8. i don't like how they might make me come off (emotional, crazy, weak, a whiner, etc etc)
   
9. i like that i made a pattern in this list
10. and i like that i am going to end with likes (dislikes are so negative!)
    

i bring to you... the cattle man's stress test

The Stress-Test consists of viewing a photo of 2 Dolphins...

• The dolphins appear to be nearly identical when viewed by stress-free individuals. The test is not sufficiently accurate to detect mild stress differentials, but is very accurate on individuals with higher stress-levels.


• Deviations in appearance between the 2 dolphins are indicators of potential stress-related problems and the deviations, if any, may also indicate the source of stress.


• If you experience significant deviations, you may want to consider taking things a little easier...

Here is the picture....







a special thanks to http://www.cattlerange.com/stress-test/stress-test.html for the use of their test.

p.s. I see two dolphins!!! excellent!

p.p.s. i've always wanted to swim with dolphins!!! they are so dang cute! anyone want to take me??

the sun rejuvenates me

I'm not sure if you all noticed or not, but it was WARM outside today. A much awaited joy after a long and cold winter. Naturally, i spent the whole day inside (insert sad face here). But i throughly enjoyed my walk home.

Although i can't honestly say that its the suns fault that i am happy again, it sure didn't hurt. I do believe in the rejuvenating power of the sun! For those of you who had the blessed opportunity to interact with me last week, you'll know what I'm talking about. My apologies again for being so ornery and cranky and stressed out and basically, not being myself. I hope that version of me is gone, and real me is back in action! Its funny how much you can miss yourself when you lose yourself. I'm glad my minor identity crisis is over.

In other news....I went on a blind date on Saturday night and throughly enjoyed myself. (don't worry, i was feeling better by that point, thankfully, or else it would have been a long night). The highlight, and surprisingly enough, lowlight of the night was playing Speed Scrabble after we finished the bon fire. It was a highlight because I LOVE SPEED SCRABBLE. i had forgotten how much i enjoyed it. It made me miss my old roommates and the fun times we had playing. It was also the lowlight of the date because the people we were playing with were beginners (meaning they'd never played before) and although i'm sure they could progress to being good competition, the whole game was...well... lets just say it lacked the speed aspect. I don't want to come off as vain, but it was a tad boring after a while. That being said, if anyone ever needs a good gift idea for me, i don't have my own scrabble set and i would love one! (hint hint)

my last bit of news probably means nothing to you, but i'm loving it. I'm actually on top of things right now with regards to school work and it feels great! I finished my research project and poster in time for class today (if fact, it was all done on friday... go me!). I recently finished my 15 page paper (due tomorrow). I'm prepared for my presentation tomorrow. And i finished the 25 page/200 take home final that is due... you guessed it... tomorrow! The test took FOREVER (read....foooor-evvvv-errrr). The last three assignments were all for the same class but once my presentation is done tomorrow i'll be done with the class! happy day. Also, the aforementioned research project was my last assignment for that class and i already took that final as well. So... i'm down to just 3 classes to finish! The end is in sight and i wish to give hope to all those college students reading this right now (who are currently procrastinating their homework/paper writing/studying) YOU CAN DO IT!


The Chinese symbol for happiness! (i think) Because i'm happy, and you should be too!

you never can go back.

You can't stop time from going forward. and you can't go back and have things like they used to be. Life just doesn't work that way. Instead we have to live in the present, and accept what life gives us. Time is a fleeting thing. Enjoy it.

absence makes the heart grow fonder

I'm hoping that absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and that you... my loyal 3 readers... have truly missed my blogs. Its been a while since i've written (5 days since my last, and even longer since the one before). The problem is i don't know what to blog about. Well no, thats not exactly true. I tend to compose blogs (emails, conversations, etc) in my head. In that sense, i've written many a blog since my last official post. Since y'all can't read my mind though, i'll try to put something interesting down for your reading pleasure.

I'd like to start with a brag list of fun things that i've done recently/ accomplishments that i'm proud of. We'll go chronologically.

1. last friday i went with a group of friends (well, one friend and a bunch of her guy friends) up spanish fork canyon to the hot springs. Its always such a great feeling to be outside under the stars and enjoying nature.
   
2. i didn't kill anyone coming back from the hot springs. sounds simple, right? wrong! i had to drive (due to a lack of cars) and my car wasn't really up for the trip. first, one of my front headlights was out. dangerous. yes. second, my heater is broken and so the whole ride back home was a little frigid. third, i have a irrational (although maybe it is rational) fear of things going wrong while i drive. things like.... blown tires that cause my car to fly off the road and into a ditch, failing brakes while speeding down a hill, sudden cracks in the windshield resulting in a completely shattered window, the steering stops working and i can't turn, hitting a pedestrian (this is a real fear in provo) and sometimes i fear that the body of my car is just going to fall apart while i am driving. The list goes on and one.
   
3. Participating in the Hare Krishna color fest. If you haven't heard about it, just look for the crazy pics on facebook. they are all over.
4. not giving in and just buying new clothes when i ran out clean clothes to wear (although i must admit i gave in and did that once this round) but instead, doing six loads of laundry at once and then having all new clean clothes.
   
5. buying and changing my own front lights on my car. i'm learning so much about auto-mo-b-iles. go me!
   
6. finishing my history of creativity project a whole day before it was due! yay for getting things done "early". And i'd like to brag that it looked pretty dang good for never having scrapbooked before in my life
7. going to the art dash downtown provo. very enjoyable. yay for enjoying cultural events
8. Jess, amanda and i ate frozen yogurt during the priesthood session. why are all my friends getting married?? sad for me. SO EXCITING for them!
   
9. I got to hang out with Amanda and Rooi last night and it was about time! rooi gave me the "official" tour of spanish fork at 9:30 at night. (sorry again amanda for making it take so long and delaying the bathroom stop)
   
10. staying awake through all sessions of general conference this time around AND loving every minute of it. All the talk about raising families made me super excited to be able to do that, but i also realized i am far from ready (at least where i'd want to be) my new goal is to become a woman that a future general authority would want to fall in love with. those guys are amazing and so are their wives.
    

I'm sure there is more that i could say, but 10 sounds like a good nice round number. Maybe sometime soon i will get around to another "deep thoughts of kirsten" type blog. until then... peace out!


oh and ps i need help designing my blog. i want to change the background, and i'm sad to admit that i, the genius, can't figure it out! sad day for all. what is the world coming to.

Confessions of a procrastinating co-ed

So I realize that I haven't written in about a week. I wish I could use that as proof that i've been productive. Unfortunately I can not. I have been busy with end of the semester things, but I definitely haven't used my time the wisest. Well, I figure that as long as i am confessing to that, i might as well make a whole list of confessions. This should be fun....

1. I schedule my time out to the hour, but i fill it with unnecessary things just so it looks like i'm busy
2. i haven't done my laundry in... i actually don't know how long. Over a month, i'm sure. Don't fear though, i've scheduled it on my calendar for tomorrow morning
3. Sometimes i wonder what i would look like pregnant. I know what clothes will and won't work when my belly starts to grow.
4. I still haven't fixed the front light on my car (i promised rob i would do it on Saturday...)
5. I am prideful when I see other people being too proud/stuck up. yes... I know this doesn't make me any better than them...
6. I'm always comparing myself with other people. but only when I can find a reason to make myself better than them.
   
7. i can't wait for the day when i can fall asleep in someone else's arms
8. someone once called me a "heart-breaker".... i denied it, but they were right.
9. when i realize a guy doesn't like me, i have to find a reason to be mad at them to get over them.
10. I'm secretly a princess from a small exotic country and yes... that is why I'm so tan
    

I'm sure there are more, but a girl has to have some secrets :)