Breakdown here

"I'd sure hate to break down here
Nothin up ahead or in the rearview mirror
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin
So God help me keep me movin somehow"

Despite all the troubles my car has been giving me lately, it has NOT yet broken down in the middle of nowhere, and for that i am so grateful. Unfortunately, sometimes i'm not as strong as my car and i had a breakdown in the middle of the night last night.

I've spent the last week getting things straightened out with my car. One of my BFF's got married a few weeks ago and i promised her i'd come to her 2nd reception in vegas. I went to the one in oregon but was looking forward for an excuse to spend some time in vegas and knew she'd appreciate a familiar face at the reception in her husbands hometown. The moment i promised this (months ago) i began to worry. My car, although its in GREAT shape for being so old and having so many miles, isn't the most fun to drive and is old enough that it scared me to think about driving it for 5 hours in the heat of the summer into vegas. Not willing to give up that easy i talked to friends and roommates and tried to arrange another way down there. Car pool anyone? Things kept falling through with that and the closer it got, the more it looked like i was going to be driving.

I convinced myself it would be alright but gave in to the idea that i needed new tires and brakes before i would go. So last week i took my car to Les Schwab to get new tires and brakes. It was then that they informed me i also needed a new drive axel. Now, lets be honest.. i don't know much about cars but i know that safety is important to me. And the idea that i would be driving for a while was great motivation to get everything done as they recommended. The pathetic part, looking back on it, is that i spent about as much money to fix the car as i did to buy it in the first place. (rolls eyes) After that was all done and paid for i decided to look at the weather report. 108* in vegas today! holy cow. A little bit of background on my car.. the cold-hot lever has been stuck in the middle for as long as i've had the car. I decided to take it into the mechanic and see what it would cost to take care of that. Long story short i gave in to the idea of paying almost 400 dollars to get that fixed only to show up the next day and find out the part didn't come in. They were able to get the cold air to work, but broke the dial even more in the process. The result: i got cold air and didn't have to pay 400 dollars (only 100) but now its more broken than before. I haven't yet decided if its worth it to go back in and get them to actually fix it or not.

After leaving the Nissan Dealership is was feeling pretty good. I had an hour until a date and 12 hours until i would be waking up to leave to go to Vegas (the plan was to hit the road at 6am). I rushed home, got ready for my date and let my brother borrow my car for the night making him promise to be careful. Almost 5 hours later i got home from my date (he was kind enough to understand i needed to be in bed early so i could drive the next morning) and started paniking. There were so many things i didn't have ready for the trip. I hadn't finished packing or talked to my co-workers roommate (who was going to drive down with me) and my car was still MIA. I got ready for bed and finished things up as fast as I could, but i didn't make it to bed until close to midnight. After laying in bed for a little while i got a call from my brother. He had the car back, but needed to "show me something". I roll out of bed and go find him, worried about what happened. He informs me that he went to roll down the window and it fell off the tracks and is now stuck down. As he was telling me this i willed myself not to break down. Not yet. We spent the next hour trying to fix it, but to no avail. I went inside, thanking him for his help and accepting the fact that it wasn't his fault it broke. just really bad luck.

Thats when i broke. I went through all the options. Plastic or fabric or something? no. waiting until later in the day after i had a chance to take my car someplace to be fixed and then driving down? no, I was only going to be in vegas for a day and waiting longer to go would not be worth it and it would be SO hot if we left later. driving to st gorge and hoping i could find a place there to fix it? no i couldn't even fathom the idea of driving high speeds with the wind in my face. plus it would suck up gas like no other. and i JUST got my ac fixed! Stay home and not go? no, i had a friend expecting me, and a girl counting on me for a ride and i just put in lots of money and time and effort and stress to get my car working in tip top shape. There was no easy answer.

Luckily soon after coming in my roommate came home and listened to me sob and helped me think logically. I decided that i just wasn't supposed to go to vegas. This broke my heart. But by this time it was close to 2 am and there was no way i could drive after only getting 3 hours of sleep anyway. so the decision was made and the ruling was final. I called the girl and informed her she could sleep in (i felt so bad) and then made it to bed finally at 3 am.

looking back i'm glad i made the decision i did. I struggled with it, but i feel like it was the smart move. I've had a few more minor "break-downs" since then. Like when i had to call brit and tell her i wasnt coming. But everyone has been so understanding and supportive. I love my support group! (even if knowing you care makes me want to cry more sometimes.. haha) So now i just have to figure out where to go to get it fixed and trust that it was the right decision. I'm really hoping i will turn on the news just to find out that there was a major disaster somewhere in vegas and not going on the trip saved my life. I doubt it. but it would be a nice comfort.

So instead of spending the day in vegas... i spent most of the morning sleeping and then went to the pool and now i'm wasting time and relaxing. It feels good. I start classes on monday and so i'm grateful for the time i've had today to get things ready.

And someday i'll marry a mechanic who can fix my car for me and hold me when i break-down and be strong for me so i don't have to be so strong always. Until then... I'm getting pretty good at this "being a grown-up" things. :)